It's the Christmas season, a time for families to gather if only once a year to celebrate the various reasons for this season. Being raised Catholic, Christmas was and still is very important to me. No more important to me than the next guy I'm sure. We all have our own reasons for loving or even loathing this particular time of year. Be it the sentiment or stress we all deal with it in our own ways.
What we do not have the right to do is "OWN" it. It does not belong to any one individual but to all of us collectively. I've heard on more than one occasion the following comment, "Christmas is the only time of year "I" feel like "I'm" important." How very inappropriate and sad. Did someone not teach these people what the true meaning of Christmas is? I have never felt as thought I owned Christmas and I'm sure the sane majority of you reading this would agree. This day belongs to one person and one person only and that's who we are celebrating. At least the "Christians" among us would agree.
It's laughable when I hear this utter disrespect of the holiday we are about to embrace. To use is as an excuse to act in selfish deplorable ways and to hurt others to ensure "their day" is honoured. It's all I can do to bite my tongue and not totally flip out on these pathetic arrogant egotistical attention seeking...I could go on but I'll stop there. Don't get me wrong, I think it's ok to place importance on the day, but for the right reasons the THE reason.
This year when wishing someone Merry Christmas, remember why you are wishing it and what the day really means to you. What memories you hold dear as a child and not because it was the only day where you felt you were someone, but because you were part of something so much bigger than you could imagine back then or even now. Christmas is not about us as individuals but us as a whole, those who celebrate Christmas do so with millions of others. Somewhat impossible to claim the day as your own, you'd have some competition.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Teenagers!
I was one once, I know it's not an easy task. As the parent of two of my own I have to tell you, teenagers should come with instructions!
I don't recall giving my parents the "attitude" I've had to endure. I don't recall being disrespectful to my elders. I don't recall feeling entitled to all I was given.
Then again, I didn't have a cell phone, or a personal computer, Facebook didn't exist. When it was time for dinner my dad stood at the front door bellowing for us to come home. If we were in earshot we came running, if not and we were late we caught crap. If we were at a friends house either we called home or home called us. On a land line, with the receiver still attached to the base. If you were lucky, it was push button otherwise, you had a rotary phone.
If you back talked your parents you got punished. You were grounded for life, which a week sure seemed that way because you didn't have social networking and Youtube or Netflix to pass the time. You spent it in your room, usually with the added sentence of cleaning said room. And not stuffing everything under the bed or in the closet, that would garner you an additional week!
Teenagers these days are so very fortunate and that good fortune seems to translate to them as entitlement. We, the parents, did that to them. We unwittingly entitled our children, why? Because we can. Because most cell phone providers have "family plans" so why not get your eight year old a cell phone it's only an additional $25.00 or so. Pretty much every family has a computer, some two or three. Netbooks, iPods, iPads, e-Readers gaming systems...take your pick. Bet you have a few of those too huh?
We are raising a society of narcissists because we can. Because it's easier to plop junior in front of the TV for an hour and a haft to watch whatever movie their little heart desires so we can have some free time to chat on-line with a friend we have never met in person. Holy crap we are doing this so wrong. How do you make it stop? How do you take a teenagers phone away from them without them threatening to call child services or worse threatening to kill themselves? As parents we are absolutely powerless. We have relinquished our power because "they" said we should.
You know, the "they" who said you shouldn't spank your kids. That you should "talk" to them not at them. The so called experts who decided that giving them everything will empower them. Well, it worked but in doing so we became powerless. Oh, and if you try now to be a parent, they unfriend you on facebook and worse still, block you. Then delete you from their lives because you gave them the choice. Out of fear of loosing them you lost them.
Imagine that, giving your child the power to shut you out of their lives because you said no. I remember threatening to "run away" because I wasn't happy with whatever punishment my parents had just doled out and my dad told me to go pack my bags he'd drive me to the bus station. Did he call my on it? You bet. Now days, if a parent did that they would be the ones having their bluff called. I know, I've tried and I was told by my teenager, "that's fine, I'll go live with dad."
Should I have let that happen? Probably. Did I? No. I backed down and let them win. Do I feel like a complete failure as a parent? Absolutely. I empowered them, I've given them all they asked for and because of that I have created who they are today. They don't back talk their dad. They wouldn't dare. However, they do limit what they share with him for fear of loosing what they feel is rightfully theirs. So what's worse? Being the parent with whom they feel confident in walking all over or the parent from whom they hide things?
When my kids are adults and looking back on their teen years I want them to say, "my mom was tough but fair". What I fear they will say is "my mom was such a push over, so easily manipulated". This is a terrifying prospect because if they can do it to me who else will they do it too?
I'm reading a book right now, "Nurture Shock" by Po Bronson. The shocking thing is, it's not the kids who need the nurture shock it's the parents who have been brainwashed into a kinder gentler form of parenting. I'll keep you posted on what I learn from this book. One thing's for sure, I will not raise a pair of narcissists. I will teach them appreciation, respect and gratitude and when they have kids of their own I hope that I've set a good enough example that they follow suite.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
*** I've learned a few tricks helping a friend deal with a difficult teenager it's made a huge difference in my life... go here to read how I feel about teenagers.***
I don't recall giving my parents the "attitude" I've had to endure. I don't recall being disrespectful to my elders. I don't recall feeling entitled to all I was given.
Then again, I didn't have a cell phone, or a personal computer, Facebook didn't exist. When it was time for dinner my dad stood at the front door bellowing for us to come home. If we were in earshot we came running, if not and we were late we caught crap. If we were at a friends house either we called home or home called us. On a land line, with the receiver still attached to the base. If you were lucky, it was push button otherwise, you had a rotary phone.
If you back talked your parents you got punished. You were grounded for life, which a week sure seemed that way because you didn't have social networking and Youtube or Netflix to pass the time. You spent it in your room, usually with the added sentence of cleaning said room. And not stuffing everything under the bed or in the closet, that would garner you an additional week!
Teenagers these days are so very fortunate and that good fortune seems to translate to them as entitlement. We, the parents, did that to them. We unwittingly entitled our children, why? Because we can. Because most cell phone providers have "family plans" so why not get your eight year old a cell phone it's only an additional $25.00 or so. Pretty much every family has a computer, some two or three. Netbooks, iPods, iPads, e-Readers gaming systems...take your pick. Bet you have a few of those too huh?
We are raising a society of narcissists because we can. Because it's easier to plop junior in front of the TV for an hour and a haft to watch whatever movie their little heart desires so we can have some free time to chat on-line with a friend we have never met in person. Holy crap we are doing this so wrong. How do you make it stop? How do you take a teenagers phone away from them without them threatening to call child services or worse threatening to kill themselves? As parents we are absolutely powerless. We have relinquished our power because "they" said we should.
You know, the "they" who said you shouldn't spank your kids. That you should "talk" to them not at them. The so called experts who decided that giving them everything will empower them. Well, it worked but in doing so we became powerless. Oh, and if you try now to be a parent, they unfriend you on facebook and worse still, block you. Then delete you from their lives because you gave them the choice. Out of fear of loosing them you lost them.
Imagine that, giving your child the power to shut you out of their lives because you said no. I remember threatening to "run away" because I wasn't happy with whatever punishment my parents had just doled out and my dad told me to go pack my bags he'd drive me to the bus station. Did he call my on it? You bet. Now days, if a parent did that they would be the ones having their bluff called. I know, I've tried and I was told by my teenager, "that's fine, I'll go live with dad."
Should I have let that happen? Probably. Did I? No. I backed down and let them win. Do I feel like a complete failure as a parent? Absolutely. I empowered them, I've given them all they asked for and because of that I have created who they are today. They don't back talk their dad. They wouldn't dare. However, they do limit what they share with him for fear of loosing what they feel is rightfully theirs. So what's worse? Being the parent with whom they feel confident in walking all over or the parent from whom they hide things?
When my kids are adults and looking back on their teen years I want them to say, "my mom was tough but fair". What I fear they will say is "my mom was such a push over, so easily manipulated". This is a terrifying prospect because if they can do it to me who else will they do it too?
I'm reading a book right now, "Nurture Shock" by Po Bronson. The shocking thing is, it's not the kids who need the nurture shock it's the parents who have been brainwashed into a kinder gentler form of parenting. I'll keep you posted on what I learn from this book. One thing's for sure, I will not raise a pair of narcissists. I will teach them appreciation, respect and gratitude and when they have kids of their own I hope that I've set a good enough example that they follow suite.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
*** I've learned a few tricks helping a friend deal with a difficult teenager it's made a huge difference in my life... go here to read how I feel about teenagers.***
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
We Get What We Deserve?
Really? Does anyone buy that anymore? I do. More so, I think, we get what we ask for. Is it what we deserve? No, not always, but I assure you it is what we ask for.
Be careful what you wish for because you may just get it. I know this first hand, with the exception of winning the lottery that is (rolling eyes). What we ask/wish for is a direct result of a need we have or a want that requires filling. Also, make sure what you are asking for is positive, of course we don't ask for crap to happen to us, but if we behave badly towards others, that is our reward, thus...you got what you deserved.
I know people, we all do, who spend their days whining about all the bad things that have or are still happening to them. They are never happy with their lives they are never content to just be. They hyper focus on the negative around them causing the negative to multiply exponentially and unnecessarily. Imagine if they focused on the positive in their lives? How different might it be?
We all go through periods of self pity, it's normal. The trick is to NOT hyper focus on it but to take it as a learning experience and let it go. If negative events continue to plague you then you are not sufficiently letting go, you are hanging on too tightly to your negative experiences and causing a snowball effect of negative activity in your life.
Count your blessings, ya, I know, sounds rehearsed. How many times have we heard that one? If you ever went to church probably about a million times. So why don't you? "Blessings" are nothing less than "positives" I've never heard of a "bad blessing" they are generally pretty good, varying degrees of good but good none the less.
So, if you want to get what you deserve, and if you deserve all the best this life has to offer you have to focus on all the best that you already have. Not sure what that is? Do you wake up in the morning? I would say that's pretty good, and a good place to start. Do you have hot water for your shower? Do you have somewhere to have a shower? All really good things. There are literally millions of people in this world who don't have the luxury of a hot shower. I would say that's something to be grateful for wouldn't you?
Make a list of all that is good in your life, not a list of all the bad that has happened to you. If you give life to the negative it will take over your life. Live positive...be happy, and get what you deserve!
That's, how I see it,
Tammy.
Be careful what you wish for because you may just get it. I know this first hand, with the exception of winning the lottery that is (rolling eyes). What we ask/wish for is a direct result of a need we have or a want that requires filling. Also, make sure what you are asking for is positive, of course we don't ask for crap to happen to us, but if we behave badly towards others, that is our reward, thus...you got what you deserved.
I know people, we all do, who spend their days whining about all the bad things that have or are still happening to them. They are never happy with their lives they are never content to just be. They hyper focus on the negative around them causing the negative to multiply exponentially and unnecessarily. Imagine if they focused on the positive in their lives? How different might it be?
We all go through periods of self pity, it's normal. The trick is to NOT hyper focus on it but to take it as a learning experience and let it go. If negative events continue to plague you then you are not sufficiently letting go, you are hanging on too tightly to your negative experiences and causing a snowball effect of negative activity in your life.
Count your blessings, ya, I know, sounds rehearsed. How many times have we heard that one? If you ever went to church probably about a million times. So why don't you? "Blessings" are nothing less than "positives" I've never heard of a "bad blessing" they are generally pretty good, varying degrees of good but good none the less.
So, if you want to get what you deserve, and if you deserve all the best this life has to offer you have to focus on all the best that you already have. Not sure what that is? Do you wake up in the morning? I would say that's pretty good, and a good place to start. Do you have hot water for your shower? Do you have somewhere to have a shower? All really good things. There are literally millions of people in this world who don't have the luxury of a hot shower. I would say that's something to be grateful for wouldn't you?
Make a list of all that is good in your life, not a list of all the bad that has happened to you. If you give life to the negative it will take over your life. Live positive...be happy, and get what you deserve!
That's, how I see it,
Tammy.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Enough Aready!
A question I'm sure a lot of Harold Camping followers are asking this morning is "Why are we still here?". Yet again, "rapture" didn't happen. Or did it? Are there now 200 million of Camping's followers questioning the validity of an obvious fanatic? Is that the reason for their rapture, for them to realise they placed their faith in the wrong "prophet"? That would certainly end their world as they knew it, they are raptured into questioning their own beliefs.
Now for my take on this...ready?
Not yesterday, not on Dec 21, 2012 not for probably millions of years long after mankind has burned itself out. Yup that's right folks, we'll probably go the way of the dinosaurs with yet another ice age. The world is far better equipped to survive than we frail humans currently inhabiting it. So good luck with your silly predictions of "Judgement Day" the only judgement being passed right now is on Harold Camping by all the poor souls he conned into believing him and his "false prophecies". I guess he hasn't figured out the bible was written by powerful men in an attempt to control the masses. All that talk of burning in hell and not being accepted into heaven if you don't conform wasn't written with the good of all mankind in mind but in an effort to strike fear in the hearts of man to facilitate control over the masses.
Seriously did they really think that the men who wrote the bible had any fore thought as to what the world would be like in 2011? I doubt they thought much past the next week. The Mayan calendar ends on Dec 21, 2012 most likely because the guy chiseling it into stone died. Or they ran out of room. I'll make you all a deal, if the world ceases to exist on Dec. 22, 2012 you can all say "I told you so" and I will readily admit I was wrong. However there won't be anyone around if I am wrong so yah, good luck with that.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Now for my take on this...ready?
THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO END ANY TIME SOON!
Not yesterday, not on Dec 21, 2012 not for probably millions of years long after mankind has burned itself out. Yup that's right folks, we'll probably go the way of the dinosaurs with yet another ice age. The world is far better equipped to survive than we frail humans currently inhabiting it. So good luck with your silly predictions of "Judgement Day" the only judgement being passed right now is on Harold Camping by all the poor souls he conned into believing him and his "false prophecies". I guess he hasn't figured out the bible was written by powerful men in an attempt to control the masses. All that talk of burning in hell and not being accepted into heaven if you don't conform wasn't written with the good of all mankind in mind but in an effort to strike fear in the hearts of man to facilitate control over the masses.
Seriously did they really think that the men who wrote the bible had any fore thought as to what the world would be like in 2011? I doubt they thought much past the next week. The Mayan calendar ends on Dec 21, 2012 most likely because the guy chiseling it into stone died. Or they ran out of room. I'll make you all a deal, if the world ceases to exist on Dec. 22, 2012 you can all say "I told you so" and I will readily admit I was wrong. However there won't be anyone around if I am wrong so yah, good luck with that.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
How Young Is Too Young?
Some say 13 some say 16 some say 18. What am I referring to? Modeling. I started when I was probably around 16 doing mall fashion shows in that small B.C. city I grew up in. Did I think I was too young for that? No. Did my parents, obviously not or they probably wouldn't have allowed it. The thing is two short years later when I was 18 and trying to make it in Toronto, I was almost too old! Imagine that, 18 and too old. However that was in the 1980's and the "Super Models" ruled the world. So my career wained and ebbed doing the odd show and photo shoot til I was the ripe old age of 25 when I shot my last set of portfolio pictures and retired. Somewhat unceremoniously I might add. So again, how young is too young?
My daughter signed with her agent when she was 13yrs 7mos. She participated at VFW this past April one month after her 14th birthday and has done numerous shows and photo shoots some of which have been featured in online magazines. She was probably one of the youngest at VFW in fact I think she was the youngest. That being said if anyone were to guess her "done-up model age" they'd come up with 18 or 19, and most have. If they were to meet her on the street looking like she normally looks yah, she may get 15 or 16 because of her height but more so because of her maturity and the way she carries herself.
You see, my girl was born old. She very intelligent and well spoken she has a great attitude about this odd path she has chosen and she has a team of adults making damn sure she isn't damaged by the industry so many bash of unethical practices. Her agent is the same agent that signed the lovely Coco Rocha seen here talking about this very topic. I felt it necessary to weigh in on it because my daughter is very young in age but not in attitude. She has carried herself well thus far and has not lost sight of who she is and her own moral code. She's not a typical bubbly boy crazy teenager. She stoic and reserved and very focused on her goals.
She's also what the designers look for in body style and height, tall and slender. Who knows how long that will last. Her career in modeling could potentially be over by the time she graduates if she has a growth spurt that goes wrong. So is she too young? No, I don't think for her, for who she is, she's too young. I think she's in right at the right time. Her agent sees the same potential he did with Ms. Rocha in her and we are pacing her for a successful career without the early burn out. There is a plan in place and strict guidelines being followed.
First and foremost, school comes first. She can't maintain her A average if she misses school because of modeling. Second, nothing revealing, she won't do shoots she's not comfortable with. Close monitoring by me and her agent. If we don't know at least one or two people she's working with it's not likely she'll do the job. Her safety is my number one priority and if we are approached, and we have been, by some one I don't know, I'm on the phone to her agent doing a back ground check. If it's someone he doesn't know, and he knows a lot of people then it's a no thank you. Third, when she says she doesn't want to do this any more then that's it, she's done. No questions asked.
As for her future lets say the next four years, if she does well then we can expect to see her travelling. Not without a chaperon and nothing that will cause her to sacrifice school. We've agreed, my 14 year old and I that these two years will be spent here at home gaining experience, confidence and a killer portfolio. So when she is ready for the world stage, she will be exactly that, ready. And if it happens to be when she's 16 then so be it. If it's not until she's 18 or 19 then that's fine too. The trick is to let her grow up at her pace and be as supportive and protective as her mother as I can be.
I'm sure anyone reading this will have their opinion of this whole issue of how young is too young and for most 14 is too young. But there are the rare few who posses a maturity that surpasses most and for all the young models I have met this past year they all seem to have this rare trait it's what wins them the jobs and gets them noticed it's what is required to succeed. Trust me, if a client were to encounter one of those teens that you see at the mall with too much make-up, inappropriate clothing and thinking they are all that, they'd laugh them out the door telling them come back when they grow up, maybe.
I do have to agree to the need for some regulations. I also think that it is the responsibility of the parents to ensure their daughters are not being taken advantage of and that they are at all times safe and cared for no matter where they are working and that the industry needs to really assess the inconsistencies with their changing demands day to day. I do have to say however, a 10 year old girl dressed up in women's clothing posing provocatively is WAY too young.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
My daughter signed with her agent when she was 13yrs 7mos. She participated at VFW this past April one month after her 14th birthday and has done numerous shows and photo shoots some of which have been featured in online magazines. She was probably one of the youngest at VFW in fact I think she was the youngest. That being said if anyone were to guess her "done-up model age" they'd come up with 18 or 19, and most have. If they were to meet her on the street looking like she normally looks yah, she may get 15 or 16 because of her height but more so because of her maturity and the way she carries herself.
You see, my girl was born old. She very intelligent and well spoken she has a great attitude about this odd path she has chosen and she has a team of adults making damn sure she isn't damaged by the industry so many bash of unethical practices. Her agent is the same agent that signed the lovely Coco Rocha seen here talking about this very topic. I felt it necessary to weigh in on it because my daughter is very young in age but not in attitude. She has carried herself well thus far and has not lost sight of who she is and her own moral code. She's not a typical bubbly boy crazy teenager. She stoic and reserved and very focused on her goals.
She's also what the designers look for in body style and height, tall and slender. Who knows how long that will last. Her career in modeling could potentially be over by the time she graduates if she has a growth spurt that goes wrong. So is she too young? No, I don't think for her, for who she is, she's too young. I think she's in right at the right time. Her agent sees the same potential he did with Ms. Rocha in her and we are pacing her for a successful career without the early burn out. There is a plan in place and strict guidelines being followed.
First and foremost, school comes first. She can't maintain her A average if she misses school because of modeling. Second, nothing revealing, she won't do shoots she's not comfortable with. Close monitoring by me and her agent. If we don't know at least one or two people she's working with it's not likely she'll do the job. Her safety is my number one priority and if we are approached, and we have been, by some one I don't know, I'm on the phone to her agent doing a back ground check. If it's someone he doesn't know, and he knows a lot of people then it's a no thank you. Third, when she says she doesn't want to do this any more then that's it, she's done. No questions asked.
As for her future lets say the next four years, if she does well then we can expect to see her travelling. Not without a chaperon and nothing that will cause her to sacrifice school. We've agreed, my 14 year old and I that these two years will be spent here at home gaining experience, confidence and a killer portfolio. So when she is ready for the world stage, she will be exactly that, ready. And if it happens to be when she's 16 then so be it. If it's not until she's 18 or 19 then that's fine too. The trick is to let her grow up at her pace and be as supportive and protective as her mother as I can be.
I'm sure anyone reading this will have their opinion of this whole issue of how young is too young and for most 14 is too young. But there are the rare few who posses a maturity that surpasses most and for all the young models I have met this past year they all seem to have this rare trait it's what wins them the jobs and gets them noticed it's what is required to succeed. Trust me, if a client were to encounter one of those teens that you see at the mall with too much make-up, inappropriate clothing and thinking they are all that, they'd laugh them out the door telling them come back when they grow up, maybe.
I do have to agree to the need for some regulations. I also think that it is the responsibility of the parents to ensure their daughters are not being taken advantage of and that they are at all times safe and cared for no matter where they are working and that the industry needs to really assess the inconsistencies with their changing demands day to day. I do have to say however, a 10 year old girl dressed up in women's clothing posing provocatively is WAY too young.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Soul Sucking Women
GASP! There is no such thing, is there?
Oh yes there is and I know more than a few personally. Soul sucking women are those women who decide that the man they are married to is no longer up to snuff. They are the same women who end their marriages sighting such things as abuse and neglect or they just flat out cheat on their unsuspecting husbands or all of the above. They are also the same women who have had everything handed to them on silver platters by men who absolutely adore and worship them. They are selfish ungrateful leaches who suck the life out of their husbands and discard them like yesterdays news.
It's easy to become ungrateful for what you have when everything your heart desires is given to you willingly without question. To be adored no matter what, to be worshiped and unconditionally loved and all they have to do in return is be happy. Alas, though, they are not happy, they are never happy. Why is that? Because they always want more, they raise the bar to unattainable heights and when their demands are not met they are justified in their horrific behaviour towards the man they vowed to "love, honour and cherish, til death do they part". One sided vows apparently that do not apply to them, just the poor sucker they manipulated into marrying them.
Oh, but wait! They weren't always like this were they?
Well, maybe not at first, of course early on in the relationship they had to appear grateful and appreciative, loving and kind. Just the kind of woman any man would be proud to take home to mom. Oh they are masters at this and be assured this behaviour lasts right up to the day after the wedding, or maybe even upon their return from the honeymoon. Take your pick, once they have you they don't have to try anymore. Let the games begin.
Now the poor sod who was wrangled by this skilled soul sucker has no idea what he's in store for. He's going to have moments of sheer joy as a result of the speck of affection afforded him, and moments of absolute astonishment as to how he managed to fail so miserably when he had tried so hard to follow the very specific instructions shoved down his throat. Poor guy, he'll never learn, he will NEVER attain the lofty goals she sets.
Then when all is said and done, and she's sucked as much life out of him as possible, she dumps his sorry ass. Of course somehow managing to put the fault on him because Lord knows they can never be held accountable for failure. The really sad part is, once dumped the shell of a man is left still wanting for the wife he loved, adored and worshiped. He doesn't see that it was all one sided, that he was in a relationship with a phantom, it wasn't real. So very unfortunate the situation afterwards. But never fear, they do get theirs.
One sentiment I have heard time and time again once the soul sucker has had a few months to enjoy her new found freedom, is that they realise their mistake. Too late, hopefully by that time the man they emasculated has regained his confidence and reclaimed the person he once was and now realises what a fool he was played for and has moved on. So too bad for you soul sucker, too little, too late! And by the way, your misery looks good on you.
So for all you men out there who were, are or are thinking about marrying a soul sucker. Think twice, ask yourself, "does she meet me half way?" "Does she expect me to be all that, while she sits back and receives without giving?" "Will the wonderful woman I thing she is remain after we say "I do"?" If you are unsure about any of these questions. RUN before she manages to suck the life out of you! Or if you're really brave, call her on it.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Oh yes there is and I know more than a few personally. Soul sucking women are those women who decide that the man they are married to is no longer up to snuff. They are the same women who end their marriages sighting such things as abuse and neglect or they just flat out cheat on their unsuspecting husbands or all of the above. They are also the same women who have had everything handed to them on silver platters by men who absolutely adore and worship them. They are selfish ungrateful leaches who suck the life out of their husbands and discard them like yesterdays news.
It's easy to become ungrateful for what you have when everything your heart desires is given to you willingly without question. To be adored no matter what, to be worshiped and unconditionally loved and all they have to do in return is be happy. Alas, though, they are not happy, they are never happy. Why is that? Because they always want more, they raise the bar to unattainable heights and when their demands are not met they are justified in their horrific behaviour towards the man they vowed to "love, honour and cherish, til death do they part". One sided vows apparently that do not apply to them, just the poor sucker they manipulated into marrying them.
Oh, but wait! They weren't always like this were they?
Well, maybe not at first, of course early on in the relationship they had to appear grateful and appreciative, loving and kind. Just the kind of woman any man would be proud to take home to mom. Oh they are masters at this and be assured this behaviour lasts right up to the day after the wedding, or maybe even upon their return from the honeymoon. Take your pick, once they have you they don't have to try anymore. Let the games begin.
Now the poor sod who was wrangled by this skilled soul sucker has no idea what he's in store for. He's going to have moments of sheer joy as a result of the speck of affection afforded him, and moments of absolute astonishment as to how he managed to fail so miserably when he had tried so hard to follow the very specific instructions shoved down his throat. Poor guy, he'll never learn, he will NEVER attain the lofty goals she sets.
Then when all is said and done, and she's sucked as much life out of him as possible, she dumps his sorry ass. Of course somehow managing to put the fault on him because Lord knows they can never be held accountable for failure. The really sad part is, once dumped the shell of a man is left still wanting for the wife he loved, adored and worshiped. He doesn't see that it was all one sided, that he was in a relationship with a phantom, it wasn't real. So very unfortunate the situation afterwards. But never fear, they do get theirs.
One sentiment I have heard time and time again once the soul sucker has had a few months to enjoy her new found freedom, is that they realise their mistake. Too late, hopefully by that time the man they emasculated has regained his confidence and reclaimed the person he once was and now realises what a fool he was played for and has moved on. So too bad for you soul sucker, too little, too late! And by the way, your misery looks good on you.
So for all you men out there who were, are or are thinking about marrying a soul sucker. Think twice, ask yourself, "does she meet me half way?" "Does she expect me to be all that, while she sits back and receives without giving?" "Will the wonderful woman I thing she is remain after we say "I do"?" If you are unsure about any of these questions. RUN before she manages to suck the life out of you! Or if you're really brave, call her on it.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Crossing A Line
I've noticed on facebook there's a lot of "hacking" going on. Usually kids hacking their parents accounts and posting something cute or funny in their status update. Or between boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and the same thing, something funny or cute. No harm no foul right?
There's a page on facebook called lamebook and this page is dedicated to posting the "unusual" posts found on facebook. Mostly they are funny but sometimes they are downright damaging.
There were a few that caught my attention. Specifically they type where a girlfriend will hack her boyfriends facebook and finds out he's cyber cheating on her (or in some cases really cheating) she then posts something to the effect of...piss off he's mine, or dude you just ended our relationship with your indiscretions along with the posts between the offender and the other woman/man. All this for his or her friends and family to see. The question is...who crossed the line?
He or she was cheating, or planning to cheat, they got caught by their girlfriend or boyfriend invading their privacy. Who's wrong? Ultimately both but in most cases cheating is a far greater offence than hacking someones fb account. Maybe it wasn't even hacked, maybe the cheater left their page open for the potential hacker to see. After all isn't that usually how it happens. Someone inadvertently leaves their fb page open and walks away.
What we really need to consider here is why these individuals are planning to or are actually cheating in the first place. Is their relationship of so little value that they have justified it? Or is it just that easy. A little flirting here and there then some more personal messages and things just snowball. If there is no physical contact is it cheating? Yes, emotional cheating is no better than physical cheating. It's a betrayal of trust. A trust between two people who love each other destroyed by the intentions of one.
But, had the fb account or email, had not been hacked then no harm done right? What the other person doesn't know won't hurt them? That's very true, as long as they don't catch the cheater in the act. How humiliating that would be. To walk in on the person you love to find them with someone else. Hacking their account and seeing what they are writing to each other is equally humiliating. But who crossed the line? Something to think about when you are having an online fling...you better hope your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife doesn't find out because according to lamebook it's fair play to re-post your indiscretions for the world to see.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
There's a page on facebook called lamebook and this page is dedicated to posting the "unusual" posts found on facebook. Mostly they are funny but sometimes they are downright damaging.
There were a few that caught my attention. Specifically they type where a girlfriend will hack her boyfriends facebook and finds out he's cyber cheating on her (or in some cases really cheating) she then posts something to the effect of...piss off he's mine, or dude you just ended our relationship with your indiscretions along with the posts between the offender and the other woman/man. All this for his or her friends and family to see. The question is...who crossed the line?
He or she was cheating, or planning to cheat, they got caught by their girlfriend or boyfriend invading their privacy. Who's wrong? Ultimately both but in most cases cheating is a far greater offence than hacking someones fb account. Maybe it wasn't even hacked, maybe the cheater left their page open for the potential hacker to see. After all isn't that usually how it happens. Someone inadvertently leaves their fb page open and walks away.
What we really need to consider here is why these individuals are planning to or are actually cheating in the first place. Is their relationship of so little value that they have justified it? Or is it just that easy. A little flirting here and there then some more personal messages and things just snowball. If there is no physical contact is it cheating? Yes, emotional cheating is no better than physical cheating. It's a betrayal of trust. A trust between two people who love each other destroyed by the intentions of one.
But, had the fb account or email, had not been hacked then no harm done right? What the other person doesn't know won't hurt them? That's very true, as long as they don't catch the cheater in the act. How humiliating that would be. To walk in on the person you love to find them with someone else. Hacking their account and seeing what they are writing to each other is equally humiliating. But who crossed the line? Something to think about when you are having an online fling...you better hope your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife doesn't find out because according to lamebook it's fair play to re-post your indiscretions for the world to see.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Adapt Or Die!
As we have all discovered the powers that be at facebook have gone and made changes yet again.
Usually there is some sort of warning, like a click here button for the new "look" or whatever they've seen fit to mess with. Last night was a first for me. I had my fb home page up and as I was looking at the page right before my eyes it changed! It was unnerving to say the least, I thought there was a problem with my computer.
Needless to say, yes, they've gone and changed fb and now we have to adapt. No big deal really, we've done it before we can do it again. If we want to stay connected we are at the mercy of the old man behind the curtain pushing the buttons.
What is interesting though is who on fb is complaining about and who is embracing the changes. I for one am middle aged, so I'm not terribly crazy that they went and made these changes then shoved them down my throat shortly after I adjust to the last set of changes they made. The younger users seem to be silent in their acceptance. They after all are used to an ever changing world where technology them is what hide and seek was to most of my friends on here.
Now, the older users, my mom, and her generation have not yet chimed in. Either they haven't noticed, don't really care anymore or have just accepted that fb changes and it changes often, get over it and move on. Or they are totally confused and have simply stopped showing up. Either way, change causes reaction and reaction, good or bad opens the door for discussion and there is no shortage of discussion (or shall I say opinions) being bantered around every one's home page.
Me, I'll adapt, I'll bitch about it first but I will adapt. More so however, I'm curious as to why on earth they would fix something that isn't broken. What part of fb wasn't working? It seemed pretty healthy to me and I'm on here allot. Which is also something I need to address...yes admittedly I'm an addict and I have gotten to the point where it's too time consuming to log off.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Usually there is some sort of warning, like a click here button for the new "look" or whatever they've seen fit to mess with. Last night was a first for me. I had my fb home page up and as I was looking at the page right before my eyes it changed! It was unnerving to say the least, I thought there was a problem with my computer.
Needless to say, yes, they've gone and changed fb and now we have to adapt. No big deal really, we've done it before we can do it again. If we want to stay connected we are at the mercy of the old man behind the curtain pushing the buttons.
What is interesting though is who on fb is complaining about and who is embracing the changes. I for one am middle aged, so I'm not terribly crazy that they went and made these changes then shoved them down my throat shortly after I adjust to the last set of changes they made. The younger users seem to be silent in their acceptance. They after all are used to an ever changing world where technology them is what hide and seek was to most of my friends on here.
Now, the older users, my mom, and her generation have not yet chimed in. Either they haven't noticed, don't really care anymore or have just accepted that fb changes and it changes often, get over it and move on. Or they are totally confused and have simply stopped showing up. Either way, change causes reaction and reaction, good or bad opens the door for discussion and there is no shortage of discussion (or shall I say opinions) being bantered around every one's home page.
Me, I'll adapt, I'll bitch about it first but I will adapt. More so however, I'm curious as to why on earth they would fix something that isn't broken. What part of fb wasn't working? It seemed pretty healthy to me and I'm on here allot. Which is also something I need to address...yes admittedly I'm an addict and I have gotten to the point where it's too time consuming to log off.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Grow Up!
Most everyone out there is capable of being nasty to someone they know. I've seen this time and time again and it usually is the result of a misunderstanding. So why do we feel compelled to lower our standards and take cheep shots are we really that uncivilized. Apparently some of us are.
Take the high road. Ever hear that one before? Sounds easy right, just don't lower yourself to your adversaries level be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. Well what if you really really just want to exact revenge? Make the other person feel the pain they have inflicted are you justified? Probably not but it does make us feel better sometimes. Then guilt sets in.
Anyone with a conscience will have that little voice telling them "that wasn't nice". And it really wasn't but what's done is done and how would you fix it anyway? Do you even want to? A situation was brought to my attention recently were revenge would be sweet, not practical but it would certainly teach a lesson. The thing is the perpetrator of the situation has recently made a series of mistakes and in an attempt to make themselves feel better about it has created a false truth about another individual. Now this person who has made the accusations is of a questionable mental state. In the midst of a mid life crisis of sorts and they are hell bent on destroying everything in their wake.
What advice would I give this person? I would tell them to grow up, get their head out of their ass and take a long look in the mirror. What you've thrown away was everything most people would die for and you've taken it all for granted. You stupid, stupid person. The world does not revolve around you and you need to open your eyes and see how many innocent bystanders your destroyed with your series of bad decisions and poor choices. This is no longer about you but about who you hurt so cut it out.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Take the high road. Ever hear that one before? Sounds easy right, just don't lower yourself to your adversaries level be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. Well what if you really really just want to exact revenge? Make the other person feel the pain they have inflicted are you justified? Probably not but it does make us feel better sometimes. Then guilt sets in.
Anyone with a conscience will have that little voice telling them "that wasn't nice". And it really wasn't but what's done is done and how would you fix it anyway? Do you even want to? A situation was brought to my attention recently were revenge would be sweet, not practical but it would certainly teach a lesson. The thing is the perpetrator of the situation has recently made a series of mistakes and in an attempt to make themselves feel better about it has created a false truth about another individual. Now this person who has made the accusations is of a questionable mental state. In the midst of a mid life crisis of sorts and they are hell bent on destroying everything in their wake.
What advice would I give this person? I would tell them to grow up, get their head out of their ass and take a long look in the mirror. What you've thrown away was everything most people would die for and you've taken it all for granted. You stupid, stupid person. The world does not revolve around you and you need to open your eyes and see how many innocent bystanders your destroyed with your series of bad decisions and poor choices. This is no longer about you but about who you hurt so cut it out.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Parenting 101 (My Take On It)
This morning there was a story on the news about a woman in the US who sent in a video to Dr. Phil for a segment called "Mommy Confessions". In the video shot by the woman's 10 year old daughter you see the mom forcing one of her adopted seven year old twin boys to drink hot sauce and then forcing him to take a cold shower as punishment for lying. WTF! The kid even admitted to lying so he wouldn't get "hot sauce". SHE enabled the lying because of the severity of the punishment. He was trying to protect himself from her. WHY do people not get this? Well, some do but not all.
She admitted he was the cause of her greatest stress and when she forces the cold shower she's at the end of her rope. Really? Maybe you should re-think your decision to adopt special needs children if you are not capable of properly raising them. This is a disgusting display of abuse and it makes me furious to think these kids live with this monster. Does she think they are going to grow up thinking "gee wasn't our mom the best?" She'll be lucky if one of them doesn't snap and kill her in her sleep.
What gets me is why are the children not taken away from her until she's proven that she won't do this again? I know the fear a child feels living in an abusive environment. The anxiety is immense and the child lives in a constant state of fear of upsetting the abuser. Never knowing what will set them off. I know this first hand and for a child to have to experience this could alter their personality beyond recognition.
Disciplining a child is tricky business. On one hand you want to be sure they understand what they did was wrong and there are consequences to their actions, on the other hand you don't want the experience of being disciplined to scar them for life. Where do you draw the line? As a parent believe me it's a fine line and I know it can be really challenging maintain balance but it's what you have to do in order to raise physically, emotionally and mentally healthy kids. It's not negotiable.
In my humble opinion, any form of physical contact that harms a child, whether it be forcing them to drink hot sauce, or take a cold shower, or a smack upside the head is and always will be abuse. An open hand spanking on the bottom through clothes for younger children is not and according to Canadian law within a parents right as a means of discipline. I've spanked my kids, you bet. My son got a spanking when he was six for throwing rocks (at the urging of an older child) at moving vehicles. You know what? He never did that again.
As kids get older it's a little difficult to put them over your knee. So you have to get creative. First and foremost you have to lay down the rules and the consequences for breaking them and you can't arbitrarily change them to suite your whims. They also have to be realistic. Keeping in mind that the idea of a punishment is for the child to learn a lesson. You have to expect a certain amount of mistakes and to be forgiving. Kids are not guided by the same internal voice we are. They are far more in the moment not always foreseeing the consequence to their actions. Their judgment is lacking to say the least. That's no reason to freak out on them, and yup that's how they see it and now you've dropped a peg or two on the old respect ladder.
Some kids are risk takers some are not. The risk takers generally get themselves into hot water allot faster than their counterparts and allot more often. Do you beat the living snot out of them and say, why can't you be more like so in so (who doesn't take risks)? No, you calmly discuss what happened and why, and you figure out together the best form of punishment to ensure it doesn't happen again. Now keep in mind this is only successful with children who are for all intents and purposes "normal".
When you are dealing with a special needs child the playing field changes dramatically. They do not think logically, well not in our definition. They do not process the way a "normal" child does and they do not always see a connection between an action and a consequence. Yes in some cases the punishment has to be more severe for the lesson to be learned but it doesn't have to be abusive. My son for example doesn't process the way his sister does. He just goes ahead and does whatever pops into his head without thought of results of his actions. He gets himself into trouble usually without even realising it until it's way too late and then panics trying to "fix" things which in itself is stress inducing never mind the reaction from the adults in his life.
Kids usually lie to protect themselves, they don't do it to try to maliciously hurt their parents, they do it to protect themselves from being hurt by their parents. This is a symptom of abuse. When a child lies to get away with something they know is wrong that's different and a punishment should be levied. If a child lies to protect themselves from the punishment then the punishment should be reviewed. It's really that simple. IF you are hurting your child to the point that their protective instincts kick in then who is the one in the wrong here? You are hurting your child physically and mentally. You are no longer teaching but abusing.
Here's a little exercise that might help you understand what I'm saying. When you are calm, think back to the last few times you had to discipline your child or children. Think about how you felt disciplining them. Now here's the hard part. Put yourself in their position of receiving your discipline. Magnify it by the size difference as best you can, try to imagine what they are thinking and feeling while receiving their punishment, be it a smack or being yelled at and berated. Did you make them cry? Feel that emotion too, now ask yourself how you feel about the person punishing you now. Do you feel immense love? or is it fear or hatred or all out rage? I think you'd be surprised at what you discover. Now for every time you discipline your child ask yourself, what would you consider acceptable punishment for yourself for the same offense? AND how would you feel about the person punishing you? It's not an easy mirror to look in at all.
Abusers feel their actions are justified. If you feel remorseful for hurting your child congratulations, there is hope for you and you are on the right track. That doesn't excuse you however it just tells you that if you levied a punishment harsh enough that it causes you remorse than maybe just maybe it was a little too harsh for the offence. Like I said before, it's a fine line. Assess your methods and then re-assess them. Fine tune them, when you are NOT angry. When an incident arises that requires discipline, give yourself a timeout first. Make sure your child is safe, make it clear that you are not done with them and deal with the situation after you have had time to properly process and determine the severity and a means to a positive outcome and lesson taught.
This is what I do, and this is ALWAYS seen as inaction on my part. I do not freak out, I assess and determine the best way to deal with the situation in order to achieve the results I feel are best for the child and myself and OUR mother/child relationship. Believe me, I have lectured my kids to no end when it's just me and my kids. It's not done in front of anyone where the child may feel humiliated, that's not what I'm after. I'm after an understanding of the infraction and an acceptance of the consequence without causing harm either mentally, emotionally or physically.
Easier said than done? Absolutely! But well worth the effort in the long run. This doesn't mean inaction is the way to go, it just means you cannot just react. Careful consideration needs to be given every situation and fair acceptable consequences adhered to. Don't change your mind mid stream, this only adds an element of confusion and could aggravate the situation. Be calm assertive, as Cesar Milan would say and you will find your child to be calm submissive. Really it works on kids too! Be warned though, with older kids DO NOT be condescending, it's very insulting and you will not get the results you are looking for.
Most kids and teenagers are not complete idiots they do not like to be talked down to and you will only cause further aggravation if respect isn't given as equally as it is expected. Talk to them not at them and involve them in the conversation DO NOT lecture, one thing I've discovered is they shut down and you may as well talk to the wall for the effect it's going to have. Admittedly I am guilty of lecturing and I know damn well it was in one ear out the other but it made me feel better even though I didn't achieve the results I was looking for. So lesson for mom? Check, don't lecture...discuss which means ask questions and LISTEN to the answers.
That's, how I see it. Any questions?
Tammy.
She admitted he was the cause of her greatest stress and when she forces the cold shower she's at the end of her rope. Really? Maybe you should re-think your decision to adopt special needs children if you are not capable of properly raising them. This is a disgusting display of abuse and it makes me furious to think these kids live with this monster. Does she think they are going to grow up thinking "gee wasn't our mom the best?" She'll be lucky if one of them doesn't snap and kill her in her sleep.
What gets me is why are the children not taken away from her until she's proven that she won't do this again? I know the fear a child feels living in an abusive environment. The anxiety is immense and the child lives in a constant state of fear of upsetting the abuser. Never knowing what will set them off. I know this first hand and for a child to have to experience this could alter their personality beyond recognition.
Disciplining a child is tricky business. On one hand you want to be sure they understand what they did was wrong and there are consequences to their actions, on the other hand you don't want the experience of being disciplined to scar them for life. Where do you draw the line? As a parent believe me it's a fine line and I know it can be really challenging maintain balance but it's what you have to do in order to raise physically, emotionally and mentally healthy kids. It's not negotiable.
In my humble opinion, any form of physical contact that harms a child, whether it be forcing them to drink hot sauce, or take a cold shower, or a smack upside the head is and always will be abuse. An open hand spanking on the bottom through clothes for younger children is not and according to Canadian law within a parents right as a means of discipline. I've spanked my kids, you bet. My son got a spanking when he was six for throwing rocks (at the urging of an older child) at moving vehicles. You know what? He never did that again.
As kids get older it's a little difficult to put them over your knee. So you have to get creative. First and foremost you have to lay down the rules and the consequences for breaking them and you can't arbitrarily change them to suite your whims. They also have to be realistic. Keeping in mind that the idea of a punishment is for the child to learn a lesson. You have to expect a certain amount of mistakes and to be forgiving. Kids are not guided by the same internal voice we are. They are far more in the moment not always foreseeing the consequence to their actions. Their judgment is lacking to say the least. That's no reason to freak out on them, and yup that's how they see it and now you've dropped a peg or two on the old respect ladder.
Some kids are risk takers some are not. The risk takers generally get themselves into hot water allot faster than their counterparts and allot more often. Do you beat the living snot out of them and say, why can't you be more like so in so (who doesn't take risks)? No, you calmly discuss what happened and why, and you figure out together the best form of punishment to ensure it doesn't happen again. Now keep in mind this is only successful with children who are for all intents and purposes "normal".
When you are dealing with a special needs child the playing field changes dramatically. They do not think logically, well not in our definition. They do not process the way a "normal" child does and they do not always see a connection between an action and a consequence. Yes in some cases the punishment has to be more severe for the lesson to be learned but it doesn't have to be abusive. My son for example doesn't process the way his sister does. He just goes ahead and does whatever pops into his head without thought of results of his actions. He gets himself into trouble usually without even realising it until it's way too late and then panics trying to "fix" things which in itself is stress inducing never mind the reaction from the adults in his life.
Kids usually lie to protect themselves, they don't do it to try to maliciously hurt their parents, they do it to protect themselves from being hurt by their parents. This is a symptom of abuse. When a child lies to get away with something they know is wrong that's different and a punishment should be levied. If a child lies to protect themselves from the punishment then the punishment should be reviewed. It's really that simple. IF you are hurting your child to the point that their protective instincts kick in then who is the one in the wrong here? You are hurting your child physically and mentally. You are no longer teaching but abusing.
Here's a little exercise that might help you understand what I'm saying. When you are calm, think back to the last few times you had to discipline your child or children. Think about how you felt disciplining them. Now here's the hard part. Put yourself in their position of receiving your discipline. Magnify it by the size difference as best you can, try to imagine what they are thinking and feeling while receiving their punishment, be it a smack or being yelled at and berated. Did you make them cry? Feel that emotion too, now ask yourself how you feel about the person punishing you now. Do you feel immense love? or is it fear or hatred or all out rage? I think you'd be surprised at what you discover. Now for every time you discipline your child ask yourself, what would you consider acceptable punishment for yourself for the same offense? AND how would you feel about the person punishing you? It's not an easy mirror to look in at all.
Abusers feel their actions are justified. If you feel remorseful for hurting your child congratulations, there is hope for you and you are on the right track. That doesn't excuse you however it just tells you that if you levied a punishment harsh enough that it causes you remorse than maybe just maybe it was a little too harsh for the offence. Like I said before, it's a fine line. Assess your methods and then re-assess them. Fine tune them, when you are NOT angry. When an incident arises that requires discipline, give yourself a timeout first. Make sure your child is safe, make it clear that you are not done with them and deal with the situation after you have had time to properly process and determine the severity and a means to a positive outcome and lesson taught.
This is what I do, and this is ALWAYS seen as inaction on my part. I do not freak out, I assess and determine the best way to deal with the situation in order to achieve the results I feel are best for the child and myself and OUR mother/child relationship. Believe me, I have lectured my kids to no end when it's just me and my kids. It's not done in front of anyone where the child may feel humiliated, that's not what I'm after. I'm after an understanding of the infraction and an acceptance of the consequence without causing harm either mentally, emotionally or physically.
Easier said than done? Absolutely! But well worth the effort in the long run. This doesn't mean inaction is the way to go, it just means you cannot just react. Careful consideration needs to be given every situation and fair acceptable consequences adhered to. Don't change your mind mid stream, this only adds an element of confusion and could aggravate the situation. Be calm assertive, as Cesar Milan would say and you will find your child to be calm submissive. Really it works on kids too! Be warned though, with older kids DO NOT be condescending, it's very insulting and you will not get the results you are looking for.
Most kids and teenagers are not complete idiots they do not like to be talked down to and you will only cause further aggravation if respect isn't given as equally as it is expected. Talk to them not at them and involve them in the conversation DO NOT lecture, one thing I've discovered is they shut down and you may as well talk to the wall for the effect it's going to have. Admittedly I am guilty of lecturing and I know damn well it was in one ear out the other but it made me feel better even though I didn't achieve the results I was looking for. So lesson for mom? Check, don't lecture...discuss which means ask questions and LISTEN to the answers.
That's, how I see it. Any questions?
Tammy.
Friday, August 26, 2011
HST vs. PST
So today marks a first in apparently world history where by we were given a vote and a chance to affect change. We did it and then some.
What concerns me about this whole fiasco is what happens next? Did any one stop to think about that when casting their ya or nay? Did any one consider that their vote may open up a whole new can of worms?
HST was in effect forced upon us. We weren't given the opportunity to throw in our two cents. One year later and several millions in expenses we were given the chance to let the government know exactly how we felt about this imposition. A simple yes or no. All for a mere 30 million? Sounds like a deal to me. What we are not prepared for, now that the votes are counted, is the astronomical cost we, that's right folks, we, as the "tax payers" will have to come up with to correct this debacle. Are you prepared for that? Did you consider that when you voted? I certainly did and I'm really worried that we are now royally screwed.
We had a choice, keep the HST, eventually paying only 10% tax or extinguish it and revert back to PST and GST collected separately. Does this mean we revert back to a 7% PST or will the Provincial government claim undue hardship and increase the PST to 8% or 9% maybe even 10% in order to pay back the Federal Government? Who do you think will be footing the bill for that one people? Certainly not the Provincial Government directly, you and me, that's who.
So to all of you who voted as a means to "get back" at the unjust way the government levied the tax you only have your self to blame if our taxes are increased because of this vote. And really, was it really costing you more? I had hardly noticed once I adjusted to it and as for those "big ticket" items like cars and houses, well if you can afford to buy a house or a car every couple of months they hey, you can afford the HST.
No matter how you slice and dice it, we the tax payers will always be that, the tax payers. Whether it be 12% HST or %5 GST and Lord only knows what we'll pay for PST now it will be us paying for it not the Liberals or the NDP, not even the Green Party or BC Conservatives, it will be ALL of us paying. Lets just hope Harper is feeling charitable and writes off the 1.6 billion BC now owes the Federal Government.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
What concerns me about this whole fiasco is what happens next? Did any one stop to think about that when casting their ya or nay? Did any one consider that their vote may open up a whole new can of worms?
HST was in effect forced upon us. We weren't given the opportunity to throw in our two cents. One year later and several millions in expenses we were given the chance to let the government know exactly how we felt about this imposition. A simple yes or no. All for a mere 30 million? Sounds like a deal to me. What we are not prepared for, now that the votes are counted, is the astronomical cost we, that's right folks, we, as the "tax payers" will have to come up with to correct this debacle. Are you prepared for that? Did you consider that when you voted? I certainly did and I'm really worried that we are now royally screwed.
We had a choice, keep the HST, eventually paying only 10% tax or extinguish it and revert back to PST and GST collected separately. Does this mean we revert back to a 7% PST or will the Provincial government claim undue hardship and increase the PST to 8% or 9% maybe even 10% in order to pay back the Federal Government? Who do you think will be footing the bill for that one people? Certainly not the Provincial Government directly, you and me, that's who.
So to all of you who voted as a means to "get back" at the unjust way the government levied the tax you only have your self to blame if our taxes are increased because of this vote. And really, was it really costing you more? I had hardly noticed once I adjusted to it and as for those "big ticket" items like cars and houses, well if you can afford to buy a house or a car every couple of months they hey, you can afford the HST.
No matter how you slice and dice it, we the tax payers will always be that, the tax payers. Whether it be 12% HST or %5 GST and Lord only knows what we'll pay for PST now it will be us paying for it not the Liberals or the NDP, not even the Green Party or BC Conservatives, it will be ALL of us paying. Lets just hope Harper is feeling charitable and writes off the 1.6 billion BC now owes the Federal Government.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Good News, Bad News
First the good news, my son is not autistic. The bad news? We are back at square one trying to figure out what's up with him.
OK, we know he's ADHD. We know he has a learning disability which is slowly being out learned. What we don't know is why my almost 13 yr old thinks that he can dress up like Predator and save people? His grasp of reality is tenuous at best. Maybe it's just immaturity and he'll out grow it, I hope.
What if it's not? What if he ends up trying to save someone dressed up in a strange costume and gets his butt thrown in jail or worse gets himself killed? How is that normal? He's not your typical kid, he's got these strange ideas, he thinks he dreams about future events, his imagination is very vivid and maybe that's a good thing if we can figure out how to redirect it so it's not so out there.
Maybe what I really should do is embrace his differences and just hope for the best possible out come for him. I'm really at a loss here and am terrified for him as he enters high school. He's in grade eight this year and luckily it's still middle school so he won't stand out too much. But next year? What about next year?
Maybe his problem is really not that big a deal, maybe he's different with his peers. He tells me he only tells me about his wish to be a super hero. Maybe this is the start of a desire for a career in one of those fields, like a fireman or paramedic. Maybe that's where it all starts. I sure hope so because I'm horrified to imagine my twenty something son wandering the streets dressed in a Predator costume trying to save the world. That's just not normal.
Then again, in this day and age, what is?
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
OK, we know he's ADHD. We know he has a learning disability which is slowly being out learned. What we don't know is why my almost 13 yr old thinks that he can dress up like Predator and save people? His grasp of reality is tenuous at best. Maybe it's just immaturity and he'll out grow it, I hope.
What if it's not? What if he ends up trying to save someone dressed up in a strange costume and gets his butt thrown in jail or worse gets himself killed? How is that normal? He's not your typical kid, he's got these strange ideas, he thinks he dreams about future events, his imagination is very vivid and maybe that's a good thing if we can figure out how to redirect it so it's not so out there.
Maybe what I really should do is embrace his differences and just hope for the best possible out come for him. I'm really at a loss here and am terrified for him as he enters high school. He's in grade eight this year and luckily it's still middle school so he won't stand out too much. But next year? What about next year?
Maybe his problem is really not that big a deal, maybe he's different with his peers. He tells me he only tells me about his wish to be a super hero. Maybe this is the start of a desire for a career in one of those fields, like a fireman or paramedic. Maybe that's where it all starts. I sure hope so because I'm horrified to imagine my twenty something son wandering the streets dressed in a Predator costume trying to save the world. That's just not normal.
Then again, in this day and age, what is?
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Your Reality
What you strongly believe in becomes your reality.
I buy this. If I feel strongly enough about something if I believe whole heartedly then yes my reality is changed to accommodate this belief.
This holds true for every aspect on ones life. In relationships with others, in your job, with your health and well being and with your finances. The mind is a very powerful tool, use it carefully.
I believe in the power of positive thought, I also believe that negative thoughts bring negative results tenfold. I believe that you can change your perspective and turn around all the negative events you feel overwhelmed with just the power of your thoughts.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who like me believes in the power of the mind. We both agree what we perceive is just that, we cannot force someone to see what we see or perceive what we perceive if they have their own perception of a situation or belief.
There is no sense trying to convince someone they are wrong when they believe they are right. If they are willing to be open minded and perhaps try to see things from your point of view you may be able to get them to concede. However if you are dealing with someone so strong in their convictions you are wasting valuable energy on them and may as well go talk to the wall for as far as you're going to get with them.
My reality is mine, yours is yours, there may be similarities, there will be differences it's how they fit together that will dictate the level of the relationship we may have. Some people fit together almost seamlessly, others have holes and patches all over the place, yet both are equally capable of falling apart. One little glitch in the system and bam! You're done.
Do you have to be done? Can you not adjust your reality and perception to fit better with someone else? I suppose but does it take away from who you are? Are you compromising your integrity to please someone else, maybe someone who would never change their reality for you? Where do you draw the line? When does this become a problem? How do you fix it and is it fixable?
All that is up to you, how you feel about the situation, the individuals involved and the final outcome you would like. What is your perception of the situation? What are you willing to do to initiate dialogue? Communication is the first step. If there is a break down in communication how are you going to address the problems you perceive?
Well, you start talking. Doesn't matter what the other person thinks, because the truth is you really don't know what the other person thinks do you? Just say what is on your mind and let the chips fall where they may. Write cue cards if you have to, or write yourself a letter and read it over a couple of times. Your heart and head know what you want to say, you just have to convince your mouth to give your thoughts a voice.
Not an easy task, fear and uncertainty are battling it out in your mind. Telling you not to say anything just keep quiet and keep the peace. At what cost? Your sanity? Your health? When is the price too high? When do you say "enough" and stop listening to fear and uncertainty and just start talking? That's up to you. There will be a shift and you will find strength and conviction to address the issues nagging at you, causing you to lose sleep at night.
Know this, there is no battle big enough in you mind that your mind cannot win. It's all in the perception of the battle, it's all in your head.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
I buy this. If I feel strongly enough about something if I believe whole heartedly then yes my reality is changed to accommodate this belief.
This holds true for every aspect on ones life. In relationships with others, in your job, with your health and well being and with your finances. The mind is a very powerful tool, use it carefully.
I believe in the power of positive thought, I also believe that negative thoughts bring negative results tenfold. I believe that you can change your perspective and turn around all the negative events you feel overwhelmed with just the power of your thoughts.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who like me believes in the power of the mind. We both agree what we perceive is just that, we cannot force someone to see what we see or perceive what we perceive if they have their own perception of a situation or belief.
There is no sense trying to convince someone they are wrong when they believe they are right. If they are willing to be open minded and perhaps try to see things from your point of view you may be able to get them to concede. However if you are dealing with someone so strong in their convictions you are wasting valuable energy on them and may as well go talk to the wall for as far as you're going to get with them.
My reality is mine, yours is yours, there may be similarities, there will be differences it's how they fit together that will dictate the level of the relationship we may have. Some people fit together almost seamlessly, others have holes and patches all over the place, yet both are equally capable of falling apart. One little glitch in the system and bam! You're done.
Do you have to be done? Can you not adjust your reality and perception to fit better with someone else? I suppose but does it take away from who you are? Are you compromising your integrity to please someone else, maybe someone who would never change their reality for you? Where do you draw the line? When does this become a problem? How do you fix it and is it fixable?
All that is up to you, how you feel about the situation, the individuals involved and the final outcome you would like. What is your perception of the situation? What are you willing to do to initiate dialogue? Communication is the first step. If there is a break down in communication how are you going to address the problems you perceive?
Well, you start talking. Doesn't matter what the other person thinks, because the truth is you really don't know what the other person thinks do you? Just say what is on your mind and let the chips fall where they may. Write cue cards if you have to, or write yourself a letter and read it over a couple of times. Your heart and head know what you want to say, you just have to convince your mouth to give your thoughts a voice.
Not an easy task, fear and uncertainty are battling it out in your mind. Telling you not to say anything just keep quiet and keep the peace. At what cost? Your sanity? Your health? When is the price too high? When do you say "enough" and stop listening to fear and uncertainty and just start talking? That's up to you. There will be a shift and you will find strength and conviction to address the issues nagging at you, causing you to lose sleep at night.
Know this, there is no battle big enough in you mind that your mind cannot win. It's all in the perception of the battle, it's all in your head.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Apologies
Why is it as adults we expect or rather demand apologies from our children yet feel justified in not having to return the apology?
There was a situation the other night where my 12 yr old son made a judgement error and got in trouble for it however after the dust had cleared it was determined that maybe the other party was mistaken in their approach and admitted the same.
After a lengthy discussion my son decided he should apologise. We both assumed the other person would do the same for their grossly inappropriate reaction to the situation. Well, you know what happens when you assume. There was no returned apology and my son called me on it. All I could say was we just have to let it go. Is that right? Should we? For the moment yes.
My son is learning valuable life lessons here.
First, that some people even if proven wrong have such a huge ego they are unable to admit their mistake.
Second, not everyone is as nice as they pretend to be.
Third, life is too short and time to valuable to waste on these individuals, (ok that's more a lesson for me than him).
Fourth, no matter what, only your parents really love you for who you are, both parents.
Going forward all I can suggest to him is not to expect an apology, sometimes the remorse is one sided and sometimes the other person is so blind to their own bad behaviour that it's not until it's too late that they realise the value in what they've lost. Trust is a two way street and it's to be earned not demanded, respect is the same, you can not demand respect from someone if you are not willing to give it in return.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
There was a situation the other night where my 12 yr old son made a judgement error and got in trouble for it however after the dust had cleared it was determined that maybe the other party was mistaken in their approach and admitted the same.
After a lengthy discussion my son decided he should apologise. We both assumed the other person would do the same for their grossly inappropriate reaction to the situation. Well, you know what happens when you assume. There was no returned apology and my son called me on it. All I could say was we just have to let it go. Is that right? Should we? For the moment yes.
My son is learning valuable life lessons here.
First, that some people even if proven wrong have such a huge ego they are unable to admit their mistake.
Second, not everyone is as nice as they pretend to be.
Third, life is too short and time to valuable to waste on these individuals, (ok that's more a lesson for me than him).
Fourth, no matter what, only your parents really love you for who you are, both parents.
Going forward all I can suggest to him is not to expect an apology, sometimes the remorse is one sided and sometimes the other person is so blind to their own bad behaviour that it's not until it's too late that they realise the value in what they've lost. Trust is a two way street and it's to be earned not demanded, respect is the same, you can not demand respect from someone if you are not willing to give it in return.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
There Are No "Do Overs"
The worst thing I can imagine is losing a child. How unbelievably heartbreaking it would be. The hurt and loss insurmountable, yet somehow we manage.
I've experienced the passing of family and friends, it's a sad occasion and at times feels like the hurt will never end but with everything time heals and the pain subsides a bit.
To loose a child however would in my opinion be a totally different ball game. As a mother, I am bound to my kids by an unbreakable thread. The umbilical cord while cut still remains in spirit. To loose a child does not sever the tie but transforms it to a constant source of pain and longing. This I can imagine, just thinking about it causes phantom pain and it's unbearable.
The one thing this life teaches is there are no "do overs" where life is concerned. Death is irreversible, ok there are cases of course where people have died and are revived, but real death, the kind you don't come back from is permanent. There are many times when I wish it were reversible or we are given the chance at a do over but that just doesn't happen.
Make the most of the time we have here and now, and give your kids a huge hug and tell them you love them unconditionally and when you are angry or frustrated with them let them know it's their behaviour you are angry with not them. That no matter what they have to know that you will not throw them to the wolves just because you are unimpressed with their behaviour. Just remember that little bundle of joy that was physically attached to you even if now only metaphorically attached.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
I've experienced the passing of family and friends, it's a sad occasion and at times feels like the hurt will never end but with everything time heals and the pain subsides a bit.
To loose a child however would in my opinion be a totally different ball game. As a mother, I am bound to my kids by an unbreakable thread. The umbilical cord while cut still remains in spirit. To loose a child does not sever the tie but transforms it to a constant source of pain and longing. This I can imagine, just thinking about it causes phantom pain and it's unbearable.
The one thing this life teaches is there are no "do overs" where life is concerned. Death is irreversible, ok there are cases of course where people have died and are revived, but real death, the kind you don't come back from is permanent. There are many times when I wish it were reversible or we are given the chance at a do over but that just doesn't happen.
Make the most of the time we have here and now, and give your kids a huge hug and tell them you love them unconditionally and when you are angry or frustrated with them let them know it's their behaviour you are angry with not them. That no matter what they have to know that you will not throw them to the wolves just because you are unimpressed with their behaviour. Just remember that little bundle of joy that was physically attached to you even if now only metaphorically attached.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Nosy Parkers Need Not Apply
Funny how one little blog can start a shit-storm of problems all because certain individuals can't mind their own business.
Really, getting involved in someone else's issues when you are clearly not invited is unacceptable and unwelcome.
Of course the reason behind uninvited involvement is because of this persons own jaded experiences and really that's their problem don't assume they will become someone else's problem just because you read more into a blog than is there.
Quit being a nosy Parker and mind your own damn business...of course there is no way in hell the person I'm directing this is will read it, but hey I feel better.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Really, getting involved in someone else's issues when you are clearly not invited is unacceptable and unwelcome.
Of course the reason behind uninvited involvement is because of this persons own jaded experiences and really that's their problem don't assume they will become someone else's problem just because you read more into a blog than is there.
Quit being a nosy Parker and mind your own damn business...of course there is no way in hell the person I'm directing this is will read it, but hey I feel better.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Navigating A Toxic Wasteland
After a series of conversations with a friend who is dealing with and exceptionally toxic individual I feel it necessary to cleans myself of the residue I have accumulated from just listening.
I'm happy to listen, don't get me wrong. I know what she's going through, I've been there. I understand the feelings of frustration and helplessness that these toxic individuals instill in us. We are not the bad guys we are not the crazy ones. We just need to keep reminding ourselves of this to keep from going insane.
I'm a sympathetic ear. I don't offer ways to "fix" the un-fixable. I just listen, I co-myserate and I share my experience and how I managed to navigate a toxic wasteland. Every now and then I skirt the borders but I can say with certainly I will never enter that place again. It's not easy to arrive at this point. In fact it's probably one of the hardest things anyone can do. But you can do it. It takes courage and will power and a huge amount of self encouragement. And it has to be done alone.
No one can walk you through it. No one can tell you exactly what you need to do to get you to the other side. You have to do all that on your own. Everyones situation is different. The only common factor is that these toxic individuals are un-fixable, and even if there was a hope that they are fixable, they don't want to be fixed. They are perfect in their eyes, you're the one who's crazy.
All you can do is talk about it. Sort it all out in your own way, try to avoid contact as much as possible and eventually the toxic individual will tire of you're not buying in anymore and while it might come after one last great battle, they will give up and move on. Part of the problem here is enabling them because we believe they are fixable.
You can try therapy. These toxic individuals are master manipulators. They know exactly what to say and how to act to make the general public think they are the best thing since sliced bread. All the while they are acting in unspeakable ways towards those closest to them. No one really wants to believe these people are as horrible as you claim them to be. No therapist wants to hear that they've failed to see them for who they really are. That would bring into question their abilities as professionals.
Time and time again, I see one toxic individual wreaking havoc on an entire group of people, usually their own families. Yet they will adamantly tell you "it's them not me" "there the ones who are being mean to me" "I'm the victim". Heard those words before? I have. Yet I know first hand that none of it is the case.
As I explained it to my friend. These people are charming and friendly and just the darn nicest person you ever want to meet, for as long as they need you for something. As soon as your usefulness wares out or you figure out that you are being used, you will be dropped like a hot potato and not in a nice way. And, welcome to the club you newly decreed crazy person. Because we all know, it's not them.
Needless to say there is a way to win. Cut all ties. If you can't then limit and set boundaries. If they start getting out of hand in a conversation, usually over the phone, they don't like face to face confrontation, they don't know what to do with their hands. Hang up, BUT tell them you are going to hang up. They need to know when they are being caught and what you will NOT tolerate. Tell them "when you can be civil, we can talk. I'm hanging up now" and do it. Don't let them respond, they will, but you won't hear it.
If you feel this isn't where you are, that you can't do this just yet. Talk to someone who has been there. Call me. Call a family member dealing with the same person, the more you compare notes the more you will see, it's NOT you it really isn't.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
I'm happy to listen, don't get me wrong. I know what she's going through, I've been there. I understand the feelings of frustration and helplessness that these toxic individuals instill in us. We are not the bad guys we are not the crazy ones. We just need to keep reminding ourselves of this to keep from going insane.
I'm a sympathetic ear. I don't offer ways to "fix" the un-fixable. I just listen, I co-myserate and I share my experience and how I managed to navigate a toxic wasteland. Every now and then I skirt the borders but I can say with certainly I will never enter that place again. It's not easy to arrive at this point. In fact it's probably one of the hardest things anyone can do. But you can do it. It takes courage and will power and a huge amount of self encouragement. And it has to be done alone.
No one can walk you through it. No one can tell you exactly what you need to do to get you to the other side. You have to do all that on your own. Everyones situation is different. The only common factor is that these toxic individuals are un-fixable, and even if there was a hope that they are fixable, they don't want to be fixed. They are perfect in their eyes, you're the one who's crazy.
All you can do is talk about it. Sort it all out in your own way, try to avoid contact as much as possible and eventually the toxic individual will tire of you're not buying in anymore and while it might come after one last great battle, they will give up and move on. Part of the problem here is enabling them because we believe they are fixable.
You can try therapy. These toxic individuals are master manipulators. They know exactly what to say and how to act to make the general public think they are the best thing since sliced bread. All the while they are acting in unspeakable ways towards those closest to them. No one really wants to believe these people are as horrible as you claim them to be. No therapist wants to hear that they've failed to see them for who they really are. That would bring into question their abilities as professionals.
Time and time again, I see one toxic individual wreaking havoc on an entire group of people, usually their own families. Yet they will adamantly tell you "it's them not me" "there the ones who are being mean to me" "I'm the victim". Heard those words before? I have. Yet I know first hand that none of it is the case.
As I explained it to my friend. These people are charming and friendly and just the darn nicest person you ever want to meet, for as long as they need you for something. As soon as your usefulness wares out or you figure out that you are being used, you will be dropped like a hot potato and not in a nice way. And, welcome to the club you newly decreed crazy person. Because we all know, it's not them.
Needless to say there is a way to win. Cut all ties. If you can't then limit and set boundaries. If they start getting out of hand in a conversation, usually over the phone, they don't like face to face confrontation, they don't know what to do with their hands. Hang up, BUT tell them you are going to hang up. They need to know when they are being caught and what you will NOT tolerate. Tell them "when you can be civil, we can talk. I'm hanging up now" and do it. Don't let them respond, they will, but you won't hear it.
If you feel this isn't where you are, that you can't do this just yet. Talk to someone who has been there. Call me. Call a family member dealing with the same person, the more you compare notes the more you will see, it's NOT you it really isn't.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
I'm A Crusader, Damn It!
I've been giving some brain time to this and well, it's time to dump it.
I've always seen myself as a peace keeper of sorts. The one who apologises first, the one who bites their tongue damn near off to avoid conflict. The one who tries and sometimes fails to love unconditionally. Yet I'm not always viewed that way.
Sometimes I'm seen as spiteful or bitter or vengeful and when I think about it, sure I can be all that too. I'm a complex individual. I'm a crusader.
What do I mean by this? Well, I'll tell you.
I am a compassionate person, BUT when I see or hear of an injustice done to an innocent soul the armour goes on, the sword comes out and a battle may in sue...that is if all else fails. If turning the other cheek or biting my tongue or apologising falls on deaf ears, those ears are going to hear about it. I'm a defender, and damn you who think that makes me a fraud.
If you were in a situation that required someone to stand up for you, wouldn't you want someone like me to step in front of you and protect you? Would that not be welcomed? Not understood and appreciated? Of course the person on the other end of my sword would rather not be. And maybe that's where my question stems from.
What do I care what an evil vile toxic individual thinks of me. They are the reason the sword came out in the first place. Of course they will see me as something other that what I present. They provoked the crusader in me and well, that's what they got.
Sometimes, blogging helps me make sense of my silly thoughts. This one in particular has brought to my attention an understanding much deeper than I expected. For that I am thankful and I realise that being a crusader IS part of who I am. I am a compassionate, caring, loving defender of the less fortunate! Beware you evil beings, you will have a fight on your hands if you cross me.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
I've always seen myself as a peace keeper of sorts. The one who apologises first, the one who bites their tongue damn near off to avoid conflict. The one who tries and sometimes fails to love unconditionally. Yet I'm not always viewed that way.
Sometimes I'm seen as spiteful or bitter or vengeful and when I think about it, sure I can be all that too. I'm a complex individual. I'm a crusader.
What do I mean by this? Well, I'll tell you.
I am a compassionate person, BUT when I see or hear of an injustice done to an innocent soul the armour goes on, the sword comes out and a battle may in sue...that is if all else fails. If turning the other cheek or biting my tongue or apologising falls on deaf ears, those ears are going to hear about it. I'm a defender, and damn you who think that makes me a fraud.
If you were in a situation that required someone to stand up for you, wouldn't you want someone like me to step in front of you and protect you? Would that not be welcomed? Not understood and appreciated? Of course the person on the other end of my sword would rather not be. And maybe that's where my question stems from.
What do I care what an evil vile toxic individual thinks of me. They are the reason the sword came out in the first place. Of course they will see me as something other that what I present. They provoked the crusader in me and well, that's what they got.
Sometimes, blogging helps me make sense of my silly thoughts. This one in particular has brought to my attention an understanding much deeper than I expected. For that I am thankful and I realise that being a crusader IS part of who I am. I am a compassionate, caring, loving defender of the less fortunate! Beware you evil beings, you will have a fight on your hands if you cross me.
That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Hypocrites Of The World UNITE!
Ever wonder what goes through a persons mind when they do something so hypocritical that their mental health is questioned? Well, I certainly do and here's why.
Over the long weekend I was unfortunate enough to witness one individuals hypocritical attempt at acceptance they were a spectacle of embarassing proportion. I have to tell you it was disturbing to say the least. Needless to say it got me thinking about why on earth would this person think what they are doing is anything but disturbing. I think it's because they really and truly are clueless. They have no idea that the people who know them best see them for what they really are and well, that's kinda sad. I would pity this person but they don't deserve my pity. What they really need is a swift kick in the rear and to be told to stop being such a hypocrite.
But why is this person such a hypocrite and so utterly clueless? Well ego, they have such low self esteem that they need to elevate themselves above everyone else and in doing so generally make fools of themselves, unfortunately I know far too many people like this and am starting to wonder if it's an epidemic. To put it simply, these particular individuals view themselves as superior because that's all they have to bolster their self esteem. It sounds backwards I know but someone with self confidence and healthy self esteem does not have to rely on their ego to make themselves "feel" they are better than everyone else, that's not a concern. AND a self confident person would not wander around espousing to anyone who would listed how fabulous they are. That just doesn't happen.
I think what bothers me the most is how truly clueless this person is and how utterly pathetic their behaviour, I know it's really none of my business but it does have a direct affect on me. Had I been there at the moment of their display of ignorance I might have said something, but then again, had I been there my poor friends would not have been subjected to such a disgusting display of ignorance and a pathetic attempt to make a spectacle of ones self. I should really apologise to my friends for having to witness such a display.
Needless to say, this person likely believes they are accepted and admired by my friends. The thing is, my friends know exactly what kind of person this individual is, and they are not fooled by such a blatant display of hypocracy. In fact, they were stunned at the nerve this person displayed approaching them and manner in which they conducted them self. I so wish I were there. My presence would have prevented such an embarrassment for my friends. The really sad part is, this person has no idea that they are a hypocrite and never will because their ego will not alow them so see themself as others see them. Someone really should explain it but ya, that's not going to happen.
So, I know this one is a little ranty. But when I loose sleep because I can't get it out of my head what would possess someone to think they are accepted amongst my group of friends who know full well the atrocities inflicted on me by this person, just because I was not present really bothers me. It's a slap in the face and thank GOD they all know what this hypocrite is capable of and well, while they were polite, because my friends are soooo nice, they too were confused by this display. That's just not cool in my book.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
Over the long weekend I was unfortunate enough to witness one individuals hypocritical attempt at acceptance they were a spectacle of embarassing proportion. I have to tell you it was disturbing to say the least. Needless to say it got me thinking about why on earth would this person think what they are doing is anything but disturbing. I think it's because they really and truly are clueless. They have no idea that the people who know them best see them for what they really are and well, that's kinda sad. I would pity this person but they don't deserve my pity. What they really need is a swift kick in the rear and to be told to stop being such a hypocrite.
But why is this person such a hypocrite and so utterly clueless? Well ego, they have such low self esteem that they need to elevate themselves above everyone else and in doing so generally make fools of themselves, unfortunately I know far too many people like this and am starting to wonder if it's an epidemic. To put it simply, these particular individuals view themselves as superior because that's all they have to bolster their self esteem. It sounds backwards I know but someone with self confidence and healthy self esteem does not have to rely on their ego to make themselves "feel" they are better than everyone else, that's not a concern. AND a self confident person would not wander around espousing to anyone who would listed how fabulous they are. That just doesn't happen.
I think what bothers me the most is how truly clueless this person is and how utterly pathetic their behaviour, I know it's really none of my business but it does have a direct affect on me. Had I been there at the moment of their display of ignorance I might have said something, but then again, had I been there my poor friends would not have been subjected to such a disgusting display of ignorance and a pathetic attempt to make a spectacle of ones self. I should really apologise to my friends for having to witness such a display.
Needless to say, this person likely believes they are accepted and admired by my friends. The thing is, my friends know exactly what kind of person this individual is, and they are not fooled by such a blatant display of hypocracy. In fact, they were stunned at the nerve this person displayed approaching them and manner in which they conducted them self. I so wish I were there. My presence would have prevented such an embarrassment for my friends. The really sad part is, this person has no idea that they are a hypocrite and never will because their ego will not alow them so see themself as others see them. Someone really should explain it but ya, that's not going to happen.
So, I know this one is a little ranty. But when I loose sleep because I can't get it out of my head what would possess someone to think they are accepted amongst my group of friends who know full well the atrocities inflicted on me by this person, just because I was not present really bothers me. It's a slap in the face and thank GOD they all know what this hypocrite is capable of and well, while they were polite, because my friends are soooo nice, they too were confused by this display. That's just not cool in my book.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
You're Not Alone.
Recently I reconnected with a former co-worker and friend. She has gone to hell and back thanks to her daughter and when we compared notes about certain individuals in our lives we discovered that we have walked the same walk, dealt with the same toxic individuals albeit in different skin but the underlying illness these people have is the same.
The thing is these individuals don't think there is anything wrong with them, in fact they think we are all nuts. It's funny though when you start to compare what it is they do and the persona they present to the outside world you start to think maybe they are right maybe it's me who's crazy. Then I talk to someone going through the same thing and realise no, I'm fine it's not me.
These individuals I speak of are charming and friendly, helpful and kind, to absolute strangers that is, or to people who do not or have not seen their true nature. They need to be this way because they have such low self esteem this is the only way they feel as important as they think they are.
If you were to meet one you would think they are the nicest people walking the earth. Cross them and you will be stung with venom most vile. Their true nature is far more narcissistic than you could imagine. They are self centred destructive people who really have no right to walk with the general population. We all know one or two and we always get sucked in when they want something from us, but don't bother asking for something in return because your out of luck.
The thing is, they do suck us unsuspecting souls in. They use us all the while making us think they are doing us a favour and drop us like a hot potato when they no longer need us. Leaving us wondering what we did wrong. All you did was give them an inch. There is no fixing these people they are master manipulators and because they honestly believe there is nothing wrong with the way they conduct themselves they either convince the counsellor they are fine or flatly refuse to get help to start with.
What's even scarier is when such an individual is in a position of power. What do you think would happen if such a person were say a counsellor themselves? Claiming to help yet doing it only for personal recognition. That's what they want, everyone to tell them how wonderful and important they are. They don't really care if they help you, as long as you think they're helping that's good enough. Accuse them otherwise and watch the transformation.
Part of what my friend and I realise is that these individuals only present their truest nature to those closest to them, family. We can't get rid of them and they know it. Friends have a different take, friends can dump them if they act in their true nature and well, maybe one day they may need that friend for something. Family, we're stuck with them, and we are the ones who suffer the most for it.
Think about it, it's exhausting pretending to be something you're not to the general public, you need someone to vent on. Why not your wife, husband, mother, father or siblings or worse your own children. What are they going to do about it? Sure some of us can leave, but can we, really? In my case because of my kids I'm stuck with their father. Until they are grown and independent of us I have to deal with him. He takes advantage of this to it's fullest. My friends daughter has two children so if she wants to see her grand kids she's stuck dealing with her daughter. The list of people I know who are "stuck" is astronomical.
You're probably saying just walk away, don't deal with them at all but it's not that cut and dry. There are far too many innocent lives affected by these narcissists, someone needs to protect them. I guess that's what we are, protectors of the innocent and our sacrifice is our own sanity. Arms length if you can manage it, that works.
To anyone out there dealing with toxic individuals you are not alone, you are not the crazy one. It's them. They are masters of manipulation and once you figure out their game they will be done with you, guaranteed.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
The thing is these individuals don't think there is anything wrong with them, in fact they think we are all nuts. It's funny though when you start to compare what it is they do and the persona they present to the outside world you start to think maybe they are right maybe it's me who's crazy. Then I talk to someone going through the same thing and realise no, I'm fine it's not me.
These individuals I speak of are charming and friendly, helpful and kind, to absolute strangers that is, or to people who do not or have not seen their true nature. They need to be this way because they have such low self esteem this is the only way they feel as important as they think they are.
If you were to meet one you would think they are the nicest people walking the earth. Cross them and you will be stung with venom most vile. Their true nature is far more narcissistic than you could imagine. They are self centred destructive people who really have no right to walk with the general population. We all know one or two and we always get sucked in when they want something from us, but don't bother asking for something in return because your out of luck.
The thing is, they do suck us unsuspecting souls in. They use us all the while making us think they are doing us a favour and drop us like a hot potato when they no longer need us. Leaving us wondering what we did wrong. All you did was give them an inch. There is no fixing these people they are master manipulators and because they honestly believe there is nothing wrong with the way they conduct themselves they either convince the counsellor they are fine or flatly refuse to get help to start with.
What's even scarier is when such an individual is in a position of power. What do you think would happen if such a person were say a counsellor themselves? Claiming to help yet doing it only for personal recognition. That's what they want, everyone to tell them how wonderful and important they are. They don't really care if they help you, as long as you think they're helping that's good enough. Accuse them otherwise and watch the transformation.
Part of what my friend and I realise is that these individuals only present their truest nature to those closest to them, family. We can't get rid of them and they know it. Friends have a different take, friends can dump them if they act in their true nature and well, maybe one day they may need that friend for something. Family, we're stuck with them, and we are the ones who suffer the most for it.
Think about it, it's exhausting pretending to be something you're not to the general public, you need someone to vent on. Why not your wife, husband, mother, father or siblings or worse your own children. What are they going to do about it? Sure some of us can leave, but can we, really? In my case because of my kids I'm stuck with their father. Until they are grown and independent of us I have to deal with him. He takes advantage of this to it's fullest. My friends daughter has two children so if she wants to see her grand kids she's stuck dealing with her daughter. The list of people I know who are "stuck" is astronomical.
You're probably saying just walk away, don't deal with them at all but it's not that cut and dry. There are far too many innocent lives affected by these narcissists, someone needs to protect them. I guess that's what we are, protectors of the innocent and our sacrifice is our own sanity. Arms length if you can manage it, that works.
To anyone out there dealing with toxic individuals you are not alone, you are not the crazy one. It's them. They are masters of manipulation and once you figure out their game they will be done with you, guaranteed.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The Idiots Are Coming! The Idiots Are Coming!
Yup that's right folks, Vancouver was over run by a handful of idiots last night and here's why...because the Vancouver Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins. Simple as that. And apparently a very good reason to start a riot.
I stopped watching the game after the third goal, I knew after the first we were done, so why bother? Not that there was much else on. I just couldn't bare to watch the inevitable. All the while quietly hoping the Canucks would turn it around.
It was the "late breaking news" where we witnessed the chaos down town. It was surreal but really not surprising considering the sheer numbers packed into the down town core. What did they expect? Either way it was a receipt for disaster. That many young unruly individuals? Sure the majority stood by and watched/filmed the events of the evening, that doesn't excuse them. They should have turned and left. Don't give the idiots a stage to perform on you're fueling their fire.
Are we really sore losers? Yes, we are. Why? Well this isn't the first time we've been here. Some of you might recall 1994? I do, I was disappointed then and vowed to end my relationship with hockey. For 16yrs I had succeeded, watching only the odd game when not given the choice. This year was different this year the Canucks were poised to take the cup and it really looked like they would this time right up until game 3 of the final round against Boston and of course game 4. Boston's wins were spectacular (no I am not a converted Bruins fan) Vancouver's win were by the skin of their teeth, and sheer luck. There is of course the whole officiating and bias towards Boston but at this point it's irrelevant, all our whining and complaining about it fell on deaf ears.
The writing was on the wall after game 6 and with cautious optimism we all held our breath for a home ice game 7 win. After all we had won the three previous home ice games why shouldn't we this one? I'll tell you why. Boston, though their tactics can be likened to a school yard bully, was the better team with an exceptional goalie, they figured out how to beat our team, literally and figuratively. 4-0 that's says it all, argue all you like the score speaks volumes. Like the previous games won by Boston they were ass kickings. Once the Bruins obtained the ever elusive first goal the Canucks literally fell apart, the game ended for them at that point.
But I digress...the point of this blog was to voice my opinion of the morons who thought it was acceptable to trash this beautiful city. All because of the disappointing outcome of a figgin hockey game. Seriously? It's a game, the best team ALWAYS wins, not the team whom we feel deserves it. It doesn't matter if you thought it should have been the Canucks. They didn't win, get over it. Will they have another chance? Sure, it's not like they got kicked out of the league for loosing.
This, however, is not a valid reason to destroy private and public property, nor is it a reason to utterly embarrass CANADA! After the 2010 Olympics you would think we were a little prouder to be Canadian and would act accordingly. Personally, I think those individuals responsible for and involved in the riot should be rounded up and sent to a country that lives in a constant state of rioting...teach them a lesson! LOSERS!
OK, that's off my chest. It's a bummer Boston won, it's a bummer it was on our ice. But there is always next year. And should we have a repeat of last nights event (the game not the riot) I hope it's on the opposing teams ice and their masses do not act like idiots and destroy their city, that's not what the championship is about. Some people here would do well to comprehend that.
That's how I see it.
Tammy.
I stopped watching the game after the third goal, I knew after the first we were done, so why bother? Not that there was much else on. I just couldn't bare to watch the inevitable. All the while quietly hoping the Canucks would turn it around.
It was the "late breaking news" where we witnessed the chaos down town. It was surreal but really not surprising considering the sheer numbers packed into the down town core. What did they expect? Either way it was a receipt for disaster. That many young unruly individuals? Sure the majority stood by and watched/filmed the events of the evening, that doesn't excuse them. They should have turned and left. Don't give the idiots a stage to perform on you're fueling their fire.
Are we really sore losers? Yes, we are. Why? Well this isn't the first time we've been here. Some of you might recall 1994? I do, I was disappointed then and vowed to end my relationship with hockey. For 16yrs I had succeeded, watching only the odd game when not given the choice. This year was different this year the Canucks were poised to take the cup and it really looked like they would this time right up until game 3 of the final round against Boston and of course game 4. Boston's wins were spectacular (no I am not a converted Bruins fan) Vancouver's win were by the skin of their teeth, and sheer luck. There is of course the whole officiating and bias towards Boston but at this point it's irrelevant, all our whining and complaining about it fell on deaf ears.
The writing was on the wall after game 6 and with cautious optimism we all held our breath for a home ice game 7 win. After all we had won the three previous home ice games why shouldn't we this one? I'll tell you why. Boston, though their tactics can be likened to a school yard bully, was the better team with an exceptional goalie, they figured out how to beat our team, literally and figuratively. 4-0 that's says it all, argue all you like the score speaks volumes. Like the previous games won by Boston they were ass kickings. Once the Bruins obtained the ever elusive first goal the Canucks literally fell apart, the game ended for them at that point.
But I digress...the point of this blog was to voice my opinion of the morons who thought it was acceptable to trash this beautiful city. All because of the disappointing outcome of a figgin hockey game. Seriously? It's a game, the best team ALWAYS wins, not the team whom we feel deserves it. It doesn't matter if you thought it should have been the Canucks. They didn't win, get over it. Will they have another chance? Sure, it's not like they got kicked out of the league for loosing.
This, however, is not a valid reason to destroy private and public property, nor is it a reason to utterly embarrass CANADA! After the 2010 Olympics you would think we were a little prouder to be Canadian and would act accordingly. Personally, I think those individuals responsible for and involved in the riot should be rounded up and sent to a country that lives in a constant state of rioting...teach them a lesson! LOSERS!
OK, that's off my chest. It's a bummer Boston won, it's a bummer it was on our ice. But there is always next year. And should we have a repeat of last nights event (the game not the riot) I hope it's on the opposing teams ice and their masses do not act like idiots and destroy their city, that's not what the championship is about. Some people here would do well to comprehend that.
That's how I see it.
Tammy.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Two Way Street My Ass!
This is going to come across as a little cynical which is unusual for me but recently things have been tough to say the least and I need this particular outlet to get it out of my head.
I have a friend, no not me, I have no problem talking about myself. This person has been a friend to me since about August 2003 when we first met. They have seen me through some tough times with my ex all the crap he put me through, our subsequent split and all the crap he continues to put me through. This friend is wise beyond their years, they offered valuable advice some I used some I didn't but all in all I knew I could always count on this person to listen.
Now it's my turn, they are in a questionable relationship and are unsure how to proceed. The protectionist in my wants to tell them to end it now for their own sanity, and I think I have suggested that in a round about way. I don't want to see my friend hurt and that's what I see happening. I also want my friend to finally find that all elusive perfect relationship that while we have all heard about it most of us are still searching for.
The way I see it, relationships are not a two way street they are a one way street with both partners expected to go in the same direction. It's about team work and being each others biggest fans. Not unrealistic expectations that lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication. That's another thing communication is key. Without great communication you are doomed. We really are not capable of reading each others minds even though in a really great relationship is seems that way. It's more about being on the same page as your partner.
My friend is in a relatively new relationship and from the start it was on shaky ground which has me concerned that this latest issue could have been avoided from the start if the relationship if it was ended then an there. Things seem to be escalating and unless something changes I don't see this ending well. I've made that clear, I hope I'm wrong but based on personal experience if a relationship starts off on rocky ground it will end the same way. Making excuses for the other person is not justification for remaining in a relationship that is floundering.
I suggested couples counseling, I'm no therapist I can only relay my personal opinion and in an attempt to protect my friend some may be biased. I wish them all the best but I just don't buy it. I don't see this lasting, there are too many negative variables that are predicting the demise of the relationship. Just how long can they stretch it out before someone snaps? This is yet to be seen.
It has been four years since my ex and I split and in those four years I've gone through many phases of this loss. The what if phase lasted the longest and only recently I've come to terms with the answer. What if I had not had the courage to end the relationship, where would we be today? Exactly where four years ago struggling to keep a dying relationship alive and each of us just as miserable.
What did it for me was the realisation that from the start of the relationship my ex was never "in love" with me. He had moments through out the thirteen years where I know he was content with the relationship but it was never real love. He never put my needs before his, he never spoke of his real feelings towards me and his happiness with our relationship and wanting to grow old together. When I questioned him about this his response was that he didn't think he knew what love was supposed to feel like. Of course he blamed this on his parents which I believed at the time but the truth was he just didn't love me. And that still hurts.
He's in a new relationship now and from what I can gather, after receiving a rather mushy text intended for her in error that he is capable of feeling love towards another...just not me. Never me. I was a thorn in his side from the start, I got pregnant, even though he was party to that, he never said he wanted to have kids, it just happened. When we got married it was more a business arrangement we shook hands when it was decided, there was no down on bended knee proclaiming everlasting love. It was simply a gesture on his part so I would have the same last name as our kids. Not a romantic bone in his body, at least not where I was concerned.
What's done is done. We were on a two way street, my friend is navigating a two way street full of road bumps and blocks. Is there real love there? Maybe, will it survive? That I don't know. I have no answer all I have is personal experience and what I would do differently if given a chance. Maybe in my next life.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
I have a friend, no not me, I have no problem talking about myself. This person has been a friend to me since about August 2003 when we first met. They have seen me through some tough times with my ex all the crap he put me through, our subsequent split and all the crap he continues to put me through. This friend is wise beyond their years, they offered valuable advice some I used some I didn't but all in all I knew I could always count on this person to listen.
Now it's my turn, they are in a questionable relationship and are unsure how to proceed. The protectionist in my wants to tell them to end it now for their own sanity, and I think I have suggested that in a round about way. I don't want to see my friend hurt and that's what I see happening. I also want my friend to finally find that all elusive perfect relationship that while we have all heard about it most of us are still searching for.
The way I see it, relationships are not a two way street they are a one way street with both partners expected to go in the same direction. It's about team work and being each others biggest fans. Not unrealistic expectations that lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication. That's another thing communication is key. Without great communication you are doomed. We really are not capable of reading each others minds even though in a really great relationship is seems that way. It's more about being on the same page as your partner.
My friend is in a relatively new relationship and from the start it was on shaky ground which has me concerned that this latest issue could have been avoided from the start if the relationship if it was ended then an there. Things seem to be escalating and unless something changes I don't see this ending well. I've made that clear, I hope I'm wrong but based on personal experience if a relationship starts off on rocky ground it will end the same way. Making excuses for the other person is not justification for remaining in a relationship that is floundering.
I suggested couples counseling, I'm no therapist I can only relay my personal opinion and in an attempt to protect my friend some may be biased. I wish them all the best but I just don't buy it. I don't see this lasting, there are too many negative variables that are predicting the demise of the relationship. Just how long can they stretch it out before someone snaps? This is yet to be seen.
It has been four years since my ex and I split and in those four years I've gone through many phases of this loss. The what if phase lasted the longest and only recently I've come to terms with the answer. What if I had not had the courage to end the relationship, where would we be today? Exactly where four years ago struggling to keep a dying relationship alive and each of us just as miserable.
What did it for me was the realisation that from the start of the relationship my ex was never "in love" with me. He had moments through out the thirteen years where I know he was content with the relationship but it was never real love. He never put my needs before his, he never spoke of his real feelings towards me and his happiness with our relationship and wanting to grow old together. When I questioned him about this his response was that he didn't think he knew what love was supposed to feel like. Of course he blamed this on his parents which I believed at the time but the truth was he just didn't love me. And that still hurts.
He's in a new relationship now and from what I can gather, after receiving a rather mushy text intended for her in error that he is capable of feeling love towards another...just not me. Never me. I was a thorn in his side from the start, I got pregnant, even though he was party to that, he never said he wanted to have kids, it just happened. When we got married it was more a business arrangement we shook hands when it was decided, there was no down on bended knee proclaiming everlasting love. It was simply a gesture on his part so I would have the same last name as our kids. Not a romantic bone in his body, at least not where I was concerned.
What's done is done. We were on a two way street, my friend is navigating a two way street full of road bumps and blocks. Is there real love there? Maybe, will it survive? That I don't know. I have no answer all I have is personal experience and what I would do differently if given a chance. Maybe in my next life.
That's how I see it,
Tammy.
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