Life Lessons 101 - Trust

I firmly believe every day is an opportunity to learn something, teach something and to grow on a personal level.

Today I was taught a valuable lesson, a lesson in trust.  I admit this is a tough one for me.  My trust has been betrayed in the past and because of this I can be a little cynical about it.  I doubt myself when trust is questioned, whether it be the trust I place in others or the trust they place in me.  I like to think I'm pretty trustworthy, but I know I'm not perfect, no one is and we all have the capacity to betray each other.  The scale to which we do is a whole other matter.

In today's lesson I learned that when I think too much about not being able to trust I find ways to prove I can't trust.  When I take a deep breath and look at it from a different angle, I realise I'm my own worse enemy.  Actually we all are.  We try too hard to find fault in others because of our own fragile egos, assuming someone is untrustworthy somehow elevates our own trustworthy status. It feeds the ego which is always starving.  Today I also learned to let my ego starve, to have faith and just trust.

With this lesson I realise I can literally create any reality I choose.  Whether it's right or wrong doesn't matter if I believe it.  People are untrustworthy only if they prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are, otherwise they deserve to be trusted.  They deserve the opportunity to trust you back. To not doubt or be doubted.

So why do we doubt?  Because of past lessons.  Because at some point in our existence trust has been broken, betrayed and someone has taught us not to give trust freely.  If I give you my trust I expect yours in return.  If I give you a reason not to trust me do I have the right to no longer trust you? Does that work both ways?  Can trust be regained? My belief? No, not completely. Once the damage is done the scar that remains is a constant reminder.  You're better off not causing the scar in the first place, just be as trusting as you expect from others.  Simple as that.

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.
 

“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.”
― Julianne Moore

Tread Softly Please.

I was recently involved in a situation that had me, well, at best - confused, there is so much else I could add but...

Without going into detail the one thing I learned from this situation is my "bull in a China Shop" approach to life just doesn't work. Not for this. Not for much really.

I'm impulsive by nature, I jump in with both feet and with the enthusiasm of a Kardashian with a new reality TV show!  (yes I just made that reference).  What I found out is it doesn't work all the time, or even most of the time.  People freak out! I freak people out!  I don't mean too, it just kind of happens.

I need to learn to tread softly so I don't spook the horses.  I need to learn that not everyone travels at the break-neck speed I do...I've learned this.  I've applied the breaks and am coasting along at a snails pace.  Is it driving me nuts? You bet! Will I live? Hell yes!  I may dash around like Flash, but I have the patients of a saint and I know that good things come to those who wait.  I also believe that great things come to those who work hard for them!  And some things are as well worth waiting for as working for!

I know who I am and I know my faults.  Thus far they haven't really been an issue and when they are, I'm fine with making adjustments, it's all part of being the absolute best person I can be.  Being self aware is the best way to be.  In the long run these little tweaks help me realise who I want to be and how I want people to see me. 

I've been asked in the past and recently too, if I'm for real?  Well, I wake up breathing every morning so I think so...cut me, I bleed... hurt me I feel pain...I think that's a good indication I'm real.  I know that's not necessarily the meaning of the question but it's a really hard question to answer.  Am I too good to be true? No, not at all, I'm just unique.  We are a rare breed, those of us who see the best in everyone, even those who are perceived as undeserving.  Or, at least we try. ;) 

I believe from the bottom of my heart we are all capable of being the best version of our selves and if it means making changes to who we are and how we view, well pretty much anything we can be "too good to be true" because the truth is most people aren't.  BUT, it has to come from within.  We cannot force someone to change to fit our ideal, we can only change our perceived ideal.  Only WE can change ourselves!  We can't change others that's impossible.  We can set an example to be followed but it always comes down to personal choice.  We can't judge others for their choice to change or not, that's not our right or any of our business. 

If I make adjustments to the way I see things or how I interact with others it's because I chose to, not because I was forced to.  It's because I feel deeply it's the best for not only me but anyone else involved.  Sometimes these changes occur instantaneously sometimes they take time, either way when change is necessary for me, change happens.  I'm highly adaptable that way.

With all this being said...clarified...cleared up...if a soft touch is what's required, that's what I'll do. No problem! I just hope it doesn't take me so long to realise it next time.

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.