So, What If?

I have lived a life of "what ifs".  So much so that I wonder sometimes what it is I'm searching for?  What if I did this differently? How would that change things?  What if I didn't do that? Where would I be today?  Why do I question every decision I've made long after I've made it?  Because there is and always will be "What If?".

It's interesting this road of life, full of twists and turns, ups and downs, lefts or rights.  There is always a flip side.  What I feel is that no matter which direction you travel you are exactly where you're supposed to be, otherwise you would have made a different choice and be somewhere else, and that would inevitably be where you are supposed to be.

Circumstance plays a very big roll in the "what if" equation.  Sometimes we want the other direction but we can't go there because our current circumstance won't allow it.  That's ok, that's the way it's supposed to be.  You'll make the right choice because for the most part there is no "wrong" choice, just choices.  Of course I'm talking about life decisions, not whether to stick up a liquor store or go beat the crap out of homeless people.  Those are really bad choices, however they are still choices.  You can chose a path of peace or a path of destruction. But know this, where ever the path takes you there will always be little off shoots to distract and entertain.

I would have never guess that my life's series of choices would land me where I am today.  And I have no idea where I will be in a month, year or decade I can't predict that.  No one can.  Not even a psychic.  Oh, they can offer advice and guidance but it's not their path, it's yours and the choices you make will determine the direction you go.

I find my self at a cross roads of sorts.  There's lots going on in my life right now and it leaves me wondering, what if?  What if I make the wrong decision? The wrong choice?  How will I know?  It's my choice therefore is it wrong?  I don't know, no one does.  It's a wait and see kinda game. The nice thing, as long as you're not backed into a corner is the direction can always be changed.  You have that much control.  Really you do.  It doesn't matter if your married with kids or single you really can change your path and make the most wonderful or terrible decisions.  Of course the path you take will be determined by your responsibilities.

I couldn't just pack up and move to a warmer climate because this rain is really getting to me.  I have far too many extenuating circumstances to consider.  However, if I were young and single with only myself to be responsible for then it would be far easier to take that path with very little effect on those around me.  That's not the case now however so I guess I'll stay put. 

So "What if?" what if you could chose your life and have it turn out exactly how you see it?  Where's the fun in that?  Life is an adventure, full of lessons and experiences and lots and lots of what if? 

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.

Bullying Continued

A situation has been brought to my attention recently and I'm sickened to think for the most part I sluffed it off.

My son has been the victim of bullying since grade one.  It's been an off and on thing and usually resolved without major incident. 

Today my son was bullied by his teacher.  It was probably a result of something my son did or refused to do but that does not justify another adult laying a hand on my child.  I emailed the principal after my son called me and let her know what was going on.  She assured me it would be addressed.  That was this morning.

By this afternoon my son was sent to the principals office by his teacher, from what I can gather, was due to his refusal to work.  My son sees things in black and white.  If you do something to hurt him he shuts down.  He feels justified because after all, you started it. 

Now, because of this incident today he's refusing to go to his dads.  I was looking forward to the break, he's high maintenance and since he's been living at my house full time I've had little rest from his demands.  Now thanks to this incident I have to deal with a thirteen year old on the verge of a break down because his emotions are scraped raw.  He's dealing with hormones and all the crap that goes with this age, now toss in a less than sympathetic teacher who makes him feel even worse about himself.

I have no idea what to do.  I'm so fed up with all the experts telling me there's nothing really "wrong" with my son, that it's just the age, yet when you hear a thirteen year old boy near tears because he's at his wits end and talking about killing himself, yet again, I know there is something very wrong with him and with a system that keeps over looking his issues.  What needs to happen?  Does he really have to attempt to kill himself for the experts to take him seriously?

It's been a trying week, he missed a day of school because he wasn't feeling well, truth is he's probably depressed and tired of being bullied by one of the individuals charged with his education.  Like he needs another adult in his life making him feel bad about himself.

I'm sure anyone reading this is probably thinking I should get him in to counseling, we've tried to get in, at the intake meeting he was in a great mood and things were going well.  Today however I would say is a really bad day and he's still ranting about what happened this morning.

I got the whole story and I can see where the teacher was dead wrong in how he dealt with my son and I can see where my son was dead wrong in his attitude.  But the events that led up to the elbow in the ribs did not warrant that response from the teacher, my son was shocked that the teacher did this to him, it hurt him physically and emotionally and he retaliated by being oppositional all day after that.  Not a wise move on my son's part but knowing my son, I'm not surprised.

Where to go from here?  I don't know.  The principal assured me she would address it, whatever that means.  I'm sure my son is going to have a rough time this last few months of school I just honestly don't know how to appease him and smooth this whole mess over so he can at least finish this year with little conflict.

FML.

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.

I'm A Girl...So What?

I can use power tools, I'm not shy.  I installed a laminate floor in my kitchen in, oh, about four hours.  No big deal.  So what I'm a girl, that won't stop me.

I've always taken the initiative, partly because my dad didn't have sons, partly because my ex needed a helper when we renovated.  I learned allot from both of them and what they didn't teach me I figured out on my own.  I can even change a light switch or outlet.  Plumbing?  No problem, I can do it.

Ya, I'm missing the male equipment that would have me fit the profile but big deal, all that extra stuff down there would only get in the way anyway.  I like that I can use a chop saw, I like that I know the difference between a skill saw and table saw, even though both can be manufactured by "Skil".  I like that an orbital sander doesn't make me run to the nearest male for help.  Pshaw, I can do it myself. 

Anyone in need of a handy-woman?  I bet I can fix it for ya...

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.