So, What If?

I have lived a life of "what ifs".  So much so that I wonder sometimes what it is I'm searching for?  What if I did this differently? How would that change things?  What if I didn't do that? Where would I be today?  Why do I question every decision I've made long after I've made it?  Because there is and always will be "What If?".

It's interesting this road of life, full of twists and turns, ups and downs, lefts or rights.  There is always a flip side.  What I feel is that no matter which direction you travel you are exactly where you're supposed to be, otherwise you would have made a different choice and be somewhere else, and that would inevitably be where you are supposed to be.

Circumstance plays a very big roll in the "what if" equation.  Sometimes we want the other direction but we can't go there because our current circumstance won't allow it.  That's ok, that's the way it's supposed to be.  You'll make the right choice because for the most part there is no "wrong" choice, just choices.  Of course I'm talking about life decisions, not whether to stick up a liquor store or go beat the crap out of homeless people.  Those are really bad choices, however they are still choices.  You can chose a path of peace or a path of destruction. But know this, where ever the path takes you there will always be little off shoots to distract and entertain.

I would have never guess that my life's series of choices would land me where I am today.  And I have no idea where I will be in a month, year or decade I can't predict that.  No one can.  Not even a psychic.  Oh, they can offer advice and guidance but it's not their path, it's yours and the choices you make will determine the direction you go.

I find my self at a cross roads of sorts.  There's lots going on in my life right now and it leaves me wondering, what if?  What if I make the wrong decision? The wrong choice?  How will I know?  It's my choice therefore is it wrong?  I don't know, no one does.  It's a wait and see kinda game. The nice thing, as long as you're not backed into a corner is the direction can always be changed.  You have that much control.  Really you do.  It doesn't matter if your married with kids or single you really can change your path and make the most wonderful or terrible decisions.  Of course the path you take will be determined by your responsibilities.

I couldn't just pack up and move to a warmer climate because this rain is really getting to me.  I have far too many extenuating circumstances to consider.  However, if I were young and single with only myself to be responsible for then it would be far easier to take that path with very little effect on those around me.  That's not the case now however so I guess I'll stay put. 

So "What if?" what if you could chose your life and have it turn out exactly how you see it?  Where's the fun in that?  Life is an adventure, full of lessons and experiences and lots and lots of what if? 

That's, how I see it.
Tammy.